With a few exceptions, if you have seen one Will Ferrell movie, you have seen them all.  I include in this blanket statement his beloved so-called hits, like Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) or Step Brothers (2008).  If that is your idea of funny, fine.  Go ahead, watch them.  Do not let my ramblings stop you.  For me, though I may have chuckled a time or two upon first viewing, their humor is now lost on me.  You can expect Ferrell to do something crazy in all of them.  This is not meant to be an indictment of the famous funny guy.  He seems good natured, such as when he went out to Spring Training in 2015 and got into several games.  That was fun to watch.  The point I am trying to make here is that if I am going to view something of his that I have not seen, then I need an angle.  Luckily, Kicking & Screaming (2005) provides that for this die-hard Chicago sports fan in the form of one of the most celebrated coaches in Chicago history, Mike Ditka.  The movie itself is more of the same Will Ferrell stuff, but at least I could enjoy Ditka’s parts.

Kicking & Screaming is not about Iron Mike Ditka.  It is about Phil Weston (Will Ferrell) and his relationship with his father, Buck Weston (Robert Duvall).  Buck is a demanding dad with which to grow up.  Buck is athletic and competitive, and these are two traits that Phil did not inherit.  Despite the expected clumsiness given who is playing the character, Phil is continually trying to impress Buck.  Buck does not make this easy.  For example, when Phil brings home from college the women he intends to marry, Barbara (Kate Walsh), Buck announces his own engagement.  Further, Buck welcomes a new son on the same day that Sam Weston (Dylan McLaughlin) is born.  Buck is quick to point out that little Bucky (John Hutcherson) is one ounce heavier than Sam.  This behavior continues as Sam grows up, the attitudes Buck has towards Phil getting transferred to the grandson.  We see this as Sam is on the soccer team coached by Buck, but never gets to play because all grandpa wants to do is win.  Seeing the obvious parallels, Phil resolves to speak to his dad about Sam’s playing time.  Instead of getting more time on the field for his son, Buck announces that he has traded his grandson to another team.  I did not know one could do this in youth sports, but whatever.  Thus, Sam will play more, just not for Buck’s team.  Breaking this news to Sam brings on a panic attack for Phil.  Nonetheless, the good-natured Phil brings Sam to his new team’s next match, which is against Buck’s squad.  Phil’s good nature is further tested when the coach of Sam’s new team decides not to come.  Not wanting to see them have to forfeit their first game, and with a lack of other volunteers, Phil takes his place on the sidelines.  He does not know what he is going and the team is trounced 13-0.  After the proceedings, Phil attempts to put a positive spin on the embarrassment, but soon realizes he is in over his head by continuing on as coach.  This is bore out when their practice spirals into chaos.  There is one person, though, that Phil knows could teach him to be a better leader, and that is Mike Ditka (as himself).  This is not a joke.  Buck actually lives next door to the legendary Bears coach, and there is a standing feud between them.  It is this animosity that gets Ditka to agree to be Phil’s assistant.  Most of what Ditka does is motivate the team in ways in which Phil is too timid to do.  It does not result in any wins, and I think this is meant to simply be more comedy.  Seeing the continued losing, Ditka introduces Phil to two key components.  The first, oddly enough, is coffee.  This is a truly strange part of the film, and it goes to some lengths to make it seem like Phil has never before been exposed to one of the most common drinks in the entire world.  Ditka swears by it, and it turns Phil into a raging fiend, which just means an opportunity for that patented Will Farrell brand of comedy.  Of more importance to the plot is an introduction to Gian Piero (Francesco Liotti) and Massimo (Alessandro Ruggiero).  These two Italian boys work in the deli where Ditka buys many of his groceries.  What is even better about them is that they are both ace soccer players.  They prove themselves on the pitch, and the winless team goes on a winning streak.  The success is predicated on getting Gian Piero and Massimo the ball and letting them do everything.  As the victories come, it turns Phil into a lunatic, or more precisely, a weird version of his father.  I say this because Sam begins to spend an increasing amount of time on the bench.  He even alienates Ditka.  Still, it brings the team to the championship game.  I think you can guess the opponent.  On the eve of the final game, Phil makes a wager with his father.  If Phil wins, he gets the soccer ball kicked into the stands by legendary Brazilian soccer player Pelé and snatched from his hands by Buck.  If Buck’s group comes out on top, his son has to sell his vitamin store and come work for his dad.  On the fated day, Sam does not show up.  Further, it looks as if Buck has figured out to defend Gian Piero and Massimo.  As such, Buck’s side is ahead at half-time.  This is also when Sam finally arrives, not in uniform, but to show his support for his teammates.  It takes Barbara explaining why Sam made this decision for Phil to realize the monster he becomes.  Thus, apologizing to Sam, Phil rallies the team and his son scores the winning goal.  Phil and Buck make amends, too, with Phil telling Buck to keep the ball in exchange for becoming business partners.

When you have a film as thoroughly mediocre, unoriginal, and not funny as Kicking and Screaming, it becomes a greater opportunity for this Catholic to speak about matters of Faith.  I mean, what else is there to say?  The obvious theme to touch on is the disordered relationship between Buck and Phil.  I say disordered because Phil feels like he has to constantly impress his dad.  Buck does not help the situation.  To say that he is a bad parent would be an understatement, though it is played for comedic effect.  Make of that statement what you will.  A Christian father is meant to do things differently, to model the unconditional love that God has for us.  This is not to say that being a Christian automatically guarantees that you will have this mastered right away.  It takes some parents years to get this right, and some never achieve an understanding of how to do this.  The important part is the unconditional love.  God gives this to us freely.  Buck, clearly, does the opposite, making every good feeling he has for Phil dependent on his son’s athletic achievement.  For whatever reason, God did not give Phil physical prowess.  He did make Phil a kind-hearted person, which is more valuable.  Though Phil loses himself for a time, he eventually comes back to his true nature as God apparently intends him.

Will Ferrell’s antics in Kicking & Screaming are toned down compared to his other films.  This is welcome, but it does not make for a good film.  What is better is Mike Ditka.  The old coach does well in his role, and does not give a wooden performance like so many other athletes when they get cast in movies.  This is not a reason to watch this one, but it is satisfying for this Bears fan.