The enduring line from the original Judge Dredd (1995) is the title character, Judge Joseph Dredd (Sylvester Stallone), muttering (or yelling, depending on the situation) as only Sly Stallone can, “I am the law.”  Already there is a lot to unpack here, so be patient.  There is also no reason to see or remember anything from this movie.  It is your basic action schlock, though Judge Dredd’s role in this dystopian future society poses some tantalizing philosophical questions that this Catholic reviewer can no longer ignore.  I tried my best for a while, succeeding in not watching it when it premiered.  Indeed, this night marked the first time I had laid eyes on it outside of trailers and random clips.  The same goes for the 2012 attempt at a reboot.  Finally, to my respected friend who suggested this one to me, I apologize for what proceeds.

If James Earl Jones narrating humanity’s fate after something terrible happens to the Earth is what you want, then the beginning of Judge Dredd has you covered.  Wars, nuclear holocaust, famine, blah, blah, blah.  The main point is that everyone now lives in a few extremely overcrowded cities around the country.  Arriving fresh from prison is not our eponymous character, but Fergie (Rob Schneider), a low-level hacker and our comic relief.  As he takes a taxi from where he is dropped off on the border between the city and the uninhabitable lands outside the walls and his quarters, we see Mega City’s (that is its actual name) society.  As you might expect given the previously stated parameters, the rich are on top and the poor are on the bottom.  Guess where the hapless Fergie is forced to live.  Before he can get in his front door, he is caught in the middle of an on-going war amongst the citizens of the lower levels.  The first of the judges, who also act as jury and executioner, to get to the scene is Judge Hershey (Diane Lane) and her rookie partner.  Overmatched, they call for back-up.  The person who provides it is Judge Dredd.  He quickly dispatches the malcontents, and catches Fergie trying to escape in a mechanized food cart.  Jude Dredd’s work done, he returns to what goes for a precinct.  It is there that the judge council sits, and its head is Judge Dredd’s mentor, Chief Justice Fargo (Max von Sydow).  Chief Fargo is concerned that his star pupil is becoming too robotic in the administration of the law.  This is backed up when reports by journalist Vartis Hammond (Mitchell Ryan) come out condemning Judge Dredd’s action and calling for an investigation into the system.  Meanwhile, at the Aspen Penal Colony, which is somewhere cold apparently, we get to meet the villain.  He is Rico (Armand Assante).  He is a former judge who, instead of giving perpetrators a moment of defense, began killing indiscriminately.  We later learn that it had been Judge Dredd that brought Rico to justice, made all the more difficult since they had been friends going through the academy.  You know, there is always an academy.  At any rate, Rico has a benefactor in Mega City who sends a package to him inside jail that allows the mass murderer to escape.  For brevity’s sake, I am going to go ahead and tell you that it is Judge Griffin (Jürgen Prochnow), a member of the council.  He feels there should be more stringent measures to maintain order, more in line with Rico’s beliefs.  Anyway, Rico gets away, and nobody seems too concerned about it.  They should be because he manages to get a hold of a judge’s uniform and weapon, murders Vartis and his wife, and makes it look like it had been Judge Dredd.  The act is caught on surveillance, but what condemns our favorite dispenser of justice is his DNA being matched to the gun.  As Judge Hershey later discovers when she digs deeper into Judge Dredd’s past, she learns that it is part of a front.  Separately, through Rico’s interactions with Judge Griffin, we find out the name of a secret project codenamed Janus.  If you know your Greek mythology, then you understand how much this reference is hitting it on the head, but I digress.  In other words, Judge Dredd and Rico are cloned brothers.  Judge Dredd discovers this truth in the uninhabitable lands after his transport to prison crashes there, and he is eventually saved by Chief Justice Fargo.  The old man dies in the process, but with his remaining breaths tells Judge Dredd about the experiment that gave birth to him and Rico.  Back in Mega City, Rico is on a killing spree of judges.  It is all part of some vague plot to resurrect Jannus through the use of accelerated cloning.  He also murders the remaining members of the council, including Judge Griffin, and replaces the DNA being used for the cloning process with his own.  The eight hours it takes to make this happen is just enough time for Judge Dredd to return, with Fergie along for the ride.  Never was that statement more true.  Moving on, there is the inevitable fight between Judge Dredd and Rico, culminating in Rico being thrown from the top of the Statue of Liberty (which is randomly in the middle of the city) and falling to his death.  Judges Dredd and Hershey stumble out to the rest of their compatriots, who now know the truth about Janus and thus Judge Dredd’s innocence.  They want to make him their new Chief Justice.  Refusing, with a kiss from Judge Hershey, he puts the uniform on and goes back to work.

The main thing missing at the end of Judge Dredd is a plot resolution.  Society seems predicated on the work of these judges, and yet their entire leadership is apparently gone.  With this dilemma not solved as the credits began to roll, I could not help but wonder, to borrow the parlance of a different comic book movie, who will watch the watchers.  It is all well and good that one police officer, so to speak, embodies the entirety of the law, but they need oversight as well.  Of course, Catholicism will tell you that there are all kinds of problems with a person like Judge Dredd.  Thankfully, we do not live in a world such as what you see in the movie.  Our system of laws, loosely speaking (and getting lower by the day), is based a Judeo-Christian tradition that has some inflection points with the Bible.  Some.  Still, regardless of its inspiration, it is imperfect because we humans are imperfect.  A trial by a jury of our peers, which also has some ancient resonance, can be slow, but that should also be a comfort.  One person making snap decisions as to whether someone should live or die, or simply go to jail, exacerbates situations.  To the film’s credit, Judge Hershey at least raises the question that Judge Dredd could sometimes be wrong in his assessments.  For his part, Judge Dredd goes about his business with a nearly maniacal devotion to the law.  The only way in which he is blind, unlike the statue of Lady Justice he sees outside Mega City, is to any extenuating circumstances.  Luckily, God understands these things much better than we can, and is our only real judge.  We should be leery of those who would put themselves in that place, be they Judge Dredd or Rico.

If nothing else, I can cross Judge Dredd off the list of famous titles I missed as a young person but have now seen.  I could have done without it, but I like to honor my friends’ wishes.  Once more, if this person is reading this review, my apologies if I bummed you out.  As for the rest of you, I would avoid this one.