Because of my delight in seeing Brendan Fraser in Killers of the Flower Moon, I decided to watch The Mummy Returns (2001).  Okay, that is only part of the reason.  If you have been keeping score at home, you will have noticed that I have been watching the Classic Universal Monsters collection.  Once I view one of those older pieces of cinema, I then look at their modern counterpart, roughly speaking.  However, there is no equivalent to this one between 1931 and 1956, the time that Universal counts as its window for these creature features.  There are spin-offs of the original The Mummy from 1932, but none of them have the same title as The Mummy Returns.  I suppose there is some correlation, unless they are about another reanimated, ancient Egyptian corpse.  Having only seen the first, I could not say definitively.  At any rate, you are getting a review of this laughable action schlock.

Thousands of years ago, or once upon a time if you prefer, something happens in ancient Egypt that does not have anything to do with The Mummy Returns.  Instead, there is a warlord named Mathayus of Akkad (Dwayne Johnson), but he prefers to go by the moniker the Scorpion King.  With his army he intends to conquer the world, and Egypt stands in the way.  Upon being defeated, he gives his soul to the god Anubis for the ability to defeat the kingdom of the Pharaohs. Once this is done, though, Anubis takes his soul and everything seems to return to normal.  We then jump to Egypt in 1933 when and where our heroes, Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) and Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser), have brought their son Alex O’Connell (Freddie Boath), to what is apparently a dangerous archaeological dig site.  They are all dangerous, are they not?  She is on the hunt for the golden bracelet of the Scorpion King, something she had been dreaming about apparently before the movie started, if that makes any sense?  The rest of the movie does not, so why start now?  The O’Connells are not the only interested party.  Soon, three generic movie thugs turn up looking for the same item, believing that this adventuring family has found it.  Evelyn springs a trap that drives off the henchmen, and eventually helps them escape back home to England.  Meanwhile, in another part of the Egyptian desert, there is a large group of people digging up what remains of Hamunaptra, the location of the previous film’s battle against Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo), the title villain.  Their efforts are led by Meela Nais (Patricia Velásquez), who is Imhotep’s reincarnated lover Anck-su-namun.  Where this person was in the last film, I could not tell you.  Anyway, while her lackeys failed to bring her the bracelet, they are successful in locating Imhotep’s remains.  To achieve their other goal, they send a lot more men to the O’Connell’s English estate.  The bad guys are foiled once again when Alex puts the solid gold trinket on his own wrist, which shows him a three-dimensional slide show of various ancient Egyptian landmarks.  Still, they are able to make off with Evelyn, so that is something, right?  They intend to use her as a sacrifice to the resurrected Imhotep.  Rick, with the help of his brother-in-law, Jonathan Carnahan (John Hannah), and Ardeth Bay (Oded Fehr), a Medjai leader and warrior, is able to prevent any harm coming to Evelyn.  Unfortunately, during their escape, Alex is snatched when . . . well, Evelyn and Rick start kissing and their kid wanders off.  Truly, this is what happens.  Now it is time to mount yet another rescue.  They need to make it to Karnak, a place Alex had informed them the bracelet map had shown him.  After getting to Egypt, Rick enlists the help of Izzy Buttons (Shaun Parkes), a former comrade who happens to own a dirigible.  I get that they were a thing in the 1930s, but, seriously. . . .  Though they do not make it to Karnak before Anck-su-namun and Imhotep move on to the next point on the map, Alex is able to leave them a detailed sand model of their next destination.  Right. . . .  They follow these clues until they get to Abm Shere, the oasis in the dessert given to the Scorpion King by Anubis.  Imhotep hopes to go there to take control of the Scorpion King’s army and thereby rule The WORLD!  Muahahahaha!  Sorry for the embellishment.  Along the way, Ardeth is keeping contact with the Medjai army, telling it of their progress and hoping to lead it to Adm Shere in time to stop Anubis’ army.  I guess he and the O’Connell’s are trying to stop this, and yet at the same time the Scorpion King can also defeat Imhotep.  Everyone’s motivations are unclear. Also, Evelyn is having visions of a past life as Nefertiri, the daughter of Pharoah Seti I (Aharon Ipalé), though how this affects the plot I am not sure.  Anyway, after facing down the dangers of the jungle surrounding the Scorpion King’s golden pyramid, and getting Alex back in the process, dad races with his son to the structure before the sun comes up, saving the kid’s life.  Yet, before everyone can make it inside, Anck-su-namun murders Evelyn.  Have no fear, though.  While Rick fights Imhotep, who, oh yeah, has to be mortal to tangle with the Scorpion King, Alex conveniently knows how to read hieroglyphics.  With this, he translates the Book of the Dead and brings mom back to life.  Thus, Evelyn and Nefertiri face-off while Rick and Imhotep have to deal with Mathayus in the form of a giant scorpion.  Jonathan, for once, proves useful here, giving Rick the weapon to defeat the Scorpion King.  Doing so begins to bring the structure down around them.  Evelyn runs to help Rick, but Anck-su-namun abandons Imhotep to try, and fail, to escape.  Imhotep throws himself into what appears to be a chasm straight to hell.  Our heroes then make it to the top of the pyramid where they are picked up by Izzy, who has miraculously repaired his airship.  The end.

Between Izzy getting his dirigible back in the air through the use of . . . something, and other literal Looney Tunes moments, The Mummy Returns had me laughing at times when I am sure that was not intended.  I am not kidding about the Looney Tunes-esque material.  There is a scene when our protagonists are escaping in a double decker bus from the British Museum (because London, of course), and the top part is sheared off by a low hanging bridge.  What is left behind is a flattened mummy reminiscent of Wily E. Coyote.  I laughed for a solid minute.  What I would rather talk about, however, is something more serious.  Mathayus sells his soul to Anubis for the power to conquer his enemies.  For this Catholic, hearing of such deals in fiction always makes me think of Mark 8:36, “What profit is there for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?”  Though this passage does not directly say the word soul, there have been many translations that have used that word interchangeably with “life.”  After all, the only way a person can truly lose their life is through eternal punishment.  People like Imhotep or Mathayus are willing to make what they see as a bargain with unholy forces because they lack the vision to see the pitfalls and the rewards of Heaven.  Name for me one person who has ever come up with the kind of arrangement made by either of these two villains and it worked out well for them?  People are far too cavalier with saying the kinds of things you hear about in the movie, even when the stakes for them are much smaller.  We have all heard somebody say, or maybe it was yourself, that they would sell their soul for fill-in-the-blank.  These words should never be spoken, much less thought, as our souls are precious.  Then again, if our villains thought this way, there would be no movie.

It would be better if The Mummy Returns was so bad that it is good.  It approaches this threshold, but it is mostly just silly action schlock that you can find most anywhere.  Perhaps because of this, though they made one more of these films, Rachel Weisz wisely decided to stay away for the last installment.  I would advise you to do the same with this one, though it is mostly harmless.