Sometimes a dude claiming to be an English knight from the fourteenth century might actually an English knight from the fourteenth century.  This is the literal message of The Knight Before Christmas (2019), though we will get into the more spiritual aspects later in the review.  For now, I suppose the best thing I can say for it is that I did not hate it.  I was prepared for suffering, though.  It is my firm belief that Christmas has generated more cinematic features than any other cultural event.  I use that arguably clunky phrase because that is essentially what it has become, shorn of almost any connection to the reason for why we have the holiday in the first place.  I am not saying anything new here, but it still strikes me whenever I watch these turkeys and they unintentionally give you something that speaks to the Christian roots of the holiday.  It is for this, and for being generally upbeat, that the pain of viewing this was eased . . . somewhat.

By this point, I have buried the lead with The Knight Before Christmas.  We go back to 1330-whatever in Norwich, England, and Sir Cole Lyons (Josh Whitehouse), and his soon-to-be knighted brother, Geoffrey (Harry Jarvis), are about to take part in a mid-December hawk hunt.  Honestly, I have no idea what is going on or what they are supposed to do, but Sir Cole ends up alone in the middle of the woods.  Popping out from behind a tree is an Old Crone (Ella Kenion) (which means ugly, aged woman, by the way, I looked it up) who appears to be freezing from the cold.  He shows her kindness by offering to take her on his horse back to the castle.  She is touched by this gesture, but still wants proof that he is a good knight.  Thus, she gives him a quest, but in riddles of course, something about needing to be true to his heart.  He accepts the demand and is given a medallion with a glowing blue stone in the middle.  Then it is off to 2019 for Sir Cole.  In that year, in the enchanted land of Ohio, lives school teacher Brooke Winters (Vanessa Hudgens).  After the last day before winter break, she gets a call from her sister, Madison (Emmanuelle Chirqui).  Madison’s business is crowded with shoppers, so she asks Brooke to take Madison’s daughter Claire (Isabelle Franca) to the Christmas Castle.  I guess because of the insertion of the word “castle,” this is how Sir Cole ends up in this time and place.  Brooke literally runs into him at this moment, mistaking him for some kind of actor, though he is gracious about having hot cocoa spilled on him.  Get ready for a lot of such behavior.  Later, as Brooke is driving through a snow storm, she hits Sir Cole with her car.  She is not going fast and he is wearing armor, so he remains unhurt.  He is also talking like a lunatic, at least to twenty-first century ears, and the police want to keep him at the station until his memory returns.  The supposition of amnesia is their rationale for his odd behavior.  Instead, Brooke offers for Sir Cole to stay in his guest house, you know, like all school teachers have, and he agrees.  For the sake of shorthand, imagine every joke you can come up with for somebody born 700 years ago, and you will get the comedy for which this movie aims throughout its runtime.  Chronologically displaced humor aside, he feels that in order to set things right, he must complete his quest.  This is not as easy as it sounds because the Old Crone spoke in that nebulous way that seems to be the modus operandi of mystical people.  Of course, if you are watching this and are familiar with other films like it, you will know that it is blindingly obvious: he must find love.  I will get into some of the language he uses as he fumbles around this situation.  If there is one thing he does know, however, it is that he must complete his mission by midnight on Christmas Eve.  As he puzzles over his path, he slowly integrates himself into modern society, helped in large part by what he refers to as a magical box.  It is the television, and he watches a lot of it.  Soon, he is no longer wearing his armor and sword everywhere he goes, but is donning more time appropriate clothing.  He even attempts to drive Brooke’s car, though this ends with it being found abandoned on the sidewalk.  Through these adjustments, he remains standfast in saying that he is, in fact, from the fourteenth century.  It is an absurd notion (in the context of the film and as an idea for one), but his earnestness gradually wins over Brooke to where she starts admitting to Madison that he could be a real, time-traveling knight, and that he needs to complete his quest.  To this last end, Brooke helps Sir Cole to do a variety of tasks that they hope will help him return home.  Again, it should be apparent what he needs to do, and eventually the interactions become more romantic.  This includes the baking of bread for a Christmas feast she holds every year.  Importantly, he institutes a tradition of hiding a bean in one of the loaves, and whoever finds it shall be granted a wish.  I am sure that will not come back around, right?  Well, upon a successful, and charitable, Christmas Eve party, Sir Cole gets a hold of some mistletoe and kisses Brooke, thus fulfilling his mission.  They then go back to where he first came to this time period, and he is transported to the fourteenth century.  In 2019, she is sad, but guess what she finds in a piece of bread?  Thus, her wish is granted when she returns to the Christmas Castle on Christmas Day with Madison’s family and her knight in shining armor suddenly materializes.

Please forgive me if I sounded flippant in describing The Knight Before Christmas.  Yes, the notion of a time-traveling, armor wearing, sword bearing man-at-arms is a fever dream.  All the same, they seem to strike the right balance between playing it for laughs and straight, even if it does precariously tip to one side or the other at moments.  What I appreciated from the Catholic perspective is the discussion of the knightly duties and virtues.  As crazy as this might sound, it reminded me of some of my favorite lines from Kingdom of Heaven (2005), though The Knight Before Christmas is a decidedly less serious story.  Despite temptations, and the allures of modern society, Sir Cole maintains his dedication to Brooke.  He talks about his place as a knight in a manner that any practicing Christian would approve.  Somebody like him must never lie, stay faithful no matter what, and, perhaps best of all, be virtuous.  Had this movie been aimed at a different audience, I have no doubt it would have depicted Brooke and Sir Cole in a more “adult” fashion.  These are all surface observation, with easy to discern ties to Christianity.  Of course, the film will not make them for you, and leaves out the Christian basis for this code, but that is to be expected, unfortunately.  The bit that speaks more to how following these principles can lead one closer to Jesus comes when he talks about how a quest challenges your innermost weakness.  Since this is Christmas-time, we can put that into the context of the spirit of the holiday.  Take the Catholic originated carol “O Holy Night.”  One of its lines talks about how Jesus’ birth allowed for the soul to feel its worth.  In other words, before Jesus, humanity was missing something felt deep down, and His advent allowed us to begin the process of confronting that lack and overcoming it with Faith, the ultimate quest.

What kind of trained historian would I be if I did not point out a few errors in the presentation of The Knight Before Christmas.  There were many, unsurprisingly, and we will leave the rest for you to discover.  Unlike what I discussed in the previous paragraph, the film was made for this Catholic reviewer when Sir Cole points out to a disbelieving Brooke that putting stock only in the things that we can comprehend means that the possibilities in life are limited.  This is a great testament to Faith in general, and almost makes me want to recommend it.  In the end, it is just too absurd to be tolerated, though part of this is probably my annoyance over some of the historical impossibilities.