Christmas with the Kranks (2004) triggered me.  It had nothing to do with its subjective quality, though I could spend an entire review on its awfulness.  Doing so would be repeating some of what has already been said on the film.  The only thing I will add on this matter is the fact that it has received awards for how bad it is, which matches with its overall rating by audiences and critics alike.  Instead, what upset me most is the way the title family is treated.  This is getting ahead of myself, but after Luther (Tim Allen) and Nora Krank (Jamie Lee Curtis) see their daughter, Blair Krank (Julie Gonzalo), off to the Peace Corps, they decide to take a cruise on Christmas.  I will be elaborating on this later, but their neighbors react as if they had just committed war crimes.  My hyperbole is only slight.

It is before Christmas with the Kranks that the aforementioned event takes place.  Blair leaves for her assignment in the Peruvian jungle on the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  Grumbling about the price of travel on this date is only the first of gripes on Luther’s part.  On the way home, he volunteers to go into a rain storm so that Nora does not have to get out of the car in order to get a few items from the store.  It takes a few trips due to purchasing the wrong items, and his insistence on not taking an umbrella from the roadside Santa Claus (Austin Pendleton) leads to Luther getting drenched.  As he stands on the sidewalk cold and soaked, he sees in the window of a neighboring business an advertisement for a Caribbean cruise.  At the office the next day, he gets out his calculator and adds up the expenses of last Christmas versus what it would cost to take an island vacation.  When it turns out to be half of what the Kranks would normally spend, he is sold.  He presents his idea to Nora that night over dinner, getting her on board (pun intended) by pointing out that with their daughter away, there is no need for doing the majority of the other activities they do this time of year.  It comes with an ultimatum that they are going to save money for their trip by not putting out cash for some of the things dear to Nora.  This includes charities, but Luther relents when she says that she will not go unless they give some of their earnings to at least a few of their usual organizations.  So far, so good.  Then, word starts going around the neighborhood that the Kranks are not participating in Christmas this year.  The first to feel this pinch are the Boy Scouts, who knock on their door with their annual Christmas tree sale.  They do not hide their disappointment over being turned away.  The worst comes, though, when Luther makes the decision to not put out their Frosty the Snowman, which is a tradition for people on their street.  The person who is apparently most angered by these actions is Vic Frohmeyer (Dan Aykroyd), their ward boss, who exercises a great deal of influence over all the residents on the block.  Another is Walt Scheel (M. Emmet Walsh).  He and his wife Bev Scheel (Elizabeth Franz), who is battling cancer, live across the street.  Everyone loves Bev, though Luther and Walt have a long-standing rivalry.  The Kranks’ decision to skip Christmas this year worsens their squabbles.  Because Luther works, Nora is left at home to deal with the uproar their actions cause.  At one point, there is a small mob in their front yard demanding the release of Frosty.  The more the community reacts negatively to the Kranks’ actions, the more stubborn Luther grows.  Each time his wife becomes weary of having to deal with the constant disapprobation, he reminds her of the ten days they will get to spend relaxing in paradise.  Along these lines, there is a truly bizarre sequence when they decide to get fake sun tans, despite an imminent cruise.  It ends with Nora cutting her head and their priest seeing her in a bikini.  No matter the bumps and bruises, emotional and physical, Luther is counting the days until their expected Christmas Day departure.  What could go wrong?  Well, on Christmas Eve, Blair surprises her parents by calling them from the airport in Miami.  She is coming home for Christmas, and she is bringing with her Enrique Decardenal (Rene Lavan).  They are also engaged, and she is talking about how excited they are to attend the Kranks’ annual Christmas Eve party, which Luther and Nora had not been planning on throwing.  This momentous news sends Nora into a frenzy, and she insists that they change their agenda.  She braves the wilds of the pre-holiday grocery store to get Blair’s favorite ham, while Luther attempts to find a Christmas tree at the last minute.  Nothing goes right.  Nora contrives to see the ham run over by a semi, while Luther is about to be arrested when he is caught borrowing a neighbor’s tree, then almost dies putting Frosty on the roof.  Seeing the trouble the Kranks are in, and equally excited to see Blair (for some reason), Vic organizes the neighborhood to put together the kind of soiree they are used to seeing from the Kranks.  They manage to do so in time for Blair and Enrique’s arrival.  Nonetheless, Luther is gloomy about seeing their cruise go by the wayside.  Upon being scolded by Nora, he looks across the street to see the Scheels having dinner on their own.  He realizes what he must do.  Being so bold as to interrupt their meal, he walks across the street and insists that they go on the Caribbean vacation instead of the Kranks.  With a little more convincing, the Scheels accept.  Nora is pleased with Luther’s gesture, and they head back inside to enjoy the rest of their Christmas.

While reading my synopsis of Christmas with the Kranks, were you as angered as me?  I could not understand why their neighbors would care as much as they appeared to that the Kranks are going to, as they put it, “skip Christmas.”  People are free to celebrate the holiday as they see fit.  What irked me further is the fact that the Kranks looked to be Catholic.  These things can be hard to judge since Catholic priests’ clerics look similar to a few other Christian denominations.  Yet, I make this assumption based on the fact that they referred to Father Zabriskie (Tom Poston) as “Father.”  You do not really get that in other sects.  The fact that the Kranks seemed to be Catholic made their insistence, particularly on Luther’s part, that they are going to “skip Christmas” annoying.  This is an impossible feat.  One may choose to not take part in a variety of functions society has attached to this date on the calendar, and actually there is nothing wrong with such a choice.  Yet, the fact of Jesus’ birth is immutable.  The day will be commemorated no matter the Kranks’ actions.  Further, deciding to go on a cruise that leaves on Christmas day is a sin.  This is not me being a “holier-than-thou” Catholic.  Christmas is what we Catholics refer to as a holy day of obligation.  Of course, this commandment to obey the sabbath and go to Mass on Sundays extends to the entire calendar.  Holy days of obligation are the feast days that the Church tells us Catholics that we must get to Mass.  Thus, Luther is knowingly committing sin by wanting to go on vacation on that day, and he has the audacity to try to justify this to Father Zabriskie.

Clearly, I have my own reasons for not enjoying Christmas with the Kranks.  I mean, there is a scene where Father Zabriskie stares at Nora’s cleavage.  He is a man like any other male, but have some decency, movie!  Audiences and critics did not enjoy it because it is just not interesting, at all.  There is nothing too morally objectionable about it, aside from the scene I just mentioned.  In the end, there are much better Christmas movies.