There are a lot of Christmas movies out there, though I have not reviewed as many as I thought I had for The Legionnaire.  I believed, in one of the past four Christmases since I started this blog, that I had taken the time to watch nothing but seasonally appropriate movies and review them.  Having viewed as many as I have lately, I will not be doing this for a future holiday time, unless there comes along a film like today, Candy Cane Lane.  This is not to say that it has changed my feelings on these pictures.  Instead, just about the only thing that will get me to see another Christmas flick is if there is a big budget release like this one.  To be fair, not all of them have been as bad as I expected, though there have been some definite turkeys.  Today’s example falls in the latter of those categories.  The bigger problem is that they are beginning to blend together into one large, meta narrative.  I realized this as I sat down to begin this review and had trouble remembering how this one began.

After a moment’s consideration, I do recall that we see dad Chris Carver (Eddie Murphy) in his garage working on another of a series of wooden Christmas lawn ornaments.  It is part of an ongoing holiday contest amongst people on his block as to who has the best seasonal display in their front yard.  With his love for Christmas, he is trying to outdo his neighbor, Bruce (Ken Marino), who won the prize last year.  Still, Chris has a life to live, which includes him going to his job . . . only to be promptly fired.  This is in contrast to his wife, Carol Carver (Tracee Ellis Ross), who is in line for a promotion.  The fact of Chris being laid off is something he asks Carol to keep from their three children for the moment because he does not want to ruin their Christmas.  Instead, they go to a holiday party at Bruce’s house.  During the fun and frivolity, a local cable news program comes on television to promote the annual Christmas decoration contest.  This year it is about more than the sense of pride the victor gets in a job well done.  Instead, they will be competing for a $100,000 prize.  Because of Chris’ recent unemployment, and the fact that his two oldest are about to be leaving for school, he sees this as an opportunity to make it the best Christmas ever.  The following day, Carol asks her husband to take their youngest daughter, Holly Carver (Madison Thomas), to school.  Not wanting to waste any time in beginning their quest to emerge victorious, Chris instead brings Holly with him as he goes around town looking for items to add to their already extensive array of Christmas elements.  The first store they try is Walmart, which is a chaos of customers fighting over the last strands of ribbon.  Driving around, they find an apparently new store under the freeway that has an incredible array of decorations for sale.  Its proprietor is Pepper (Jillian Bell), who is totally not strange at all. . . .  Despite her quirks, Chris buys an enormous, Christmas tree like structure that displays the scenes from “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”  Before he can leave with it, he is forced to sign a receipt, which he takes as merely to mean the conclusion of the sale.  While it helps the Carvers gain recognition for their efforts on the night the displays are revealed, the next day it turns out to be something else.  Chris awakens to find swans swimming in his pool, though he does not immediately take them for the Seven Swans a Swimming from the song.  For the moment, he is more upset by the fact that the figures from his new decoration are missing.  He and Holly return to Pepper’s store, and while waiting for help, Holly notices the porcelain figures in the Christmas village display coming to life.  They are led by Pip (voiced by Nick Offerman), who explains that Pepper is a rogue elf from Santa’s workshop who, long ago, decided that nobody deserved the magic of the season.  Since then, she has been tricking people with those contracts, and when they do not meet her absurd demands, they suffer Pip’s fate.  Pepper arrives in time to fill in the rest, that Chris has until the miniature clock tower strikes 8:00 pm on Christmas Eve to collect the five rings.  Chris does not want to believe it at first until Two Turtledoves land on the hood of his car with a gold ring on a string between their peaks.  This also jives with Carol’s earlier complaint of being attacked by Six Geese a Laying.  By the time Chris and Holly get to Carol’s work, Pepper has shown up to wreak havoc on her interview for her promotion by unleashing Three French Hens.  This brings in two of the needed five, but Chris decides he needs help from the porcelain town folk.  Though he manages to bring them back to his house, it is not without tipping off Pepper.  Handily, she reveals that the fifth ring is on her, a fact that their eldest daughter, Joy Carver (Genneya Walton), figures out after her extra adventurous track meet.  Not wanting to see their father turned into a figurine, the Carvers devise a trap for Pepper on the night of the decorations award.  Though their plan works, Pepper reveals a further twist to the deal.  Apparently, every time the song on which this is all based is sung, it adds to the number of rings they must find.  I am not sure of the logic of this, but it amounts to them having to come up with forty in total, and all before the designated time.  To make it harder, Pepper changes the time on the clock, which briefly turns Chris to porcelain.  They are assisted by Santa Claus (David Alan Grier), who arrives during the ensuing craziness and finds a loophole to help the Carvers get to the required number.  Thus, the curse is lifted and everyone lives happily ever after, except Pepper, who is forced to take the place of the figurines.

As I have been saying about many of these so-called movies, and Candy Cane Lane is no exception, they completely miss the point of Christmas.  This is ironic because the majority seem to spend their time trying to give their definition of the meaning of the holiday.  They are not all that radically different from one another.  The long and short of it, and this is true here as well, is that Christmas is about giving more than receiving.  That is fine, and I will add that the Bible does underscore the importance of this idea.  However, what irked me were some obvious mockeries of Faith, and some specific but subtle digs at Catholicism.  With the former of those categories, there is a scene when Chris asks Pepper if her store is religious in any way, and she denies this by blaspheming.  I will not repeat what she says so as not to also sin. Regardless, once again, I do not see how we can countenance as a society such a cavalier attitude towards the Christian roots of Christmas.  Does anyone stop for a moment to note the similarities in the words “Christian” and “Christmas.”  You do not have to be a church goer to see the connection.  I am not looking for a law to be enacted against people not knowing such things.  It is just irksome, and perhaps this just stands out to me because I practice my Faith.  Yet, to not at least pay respect to the birth of Jesus means that you are, quite literally, not celebrating Christmas.  As for the hard to catch jab at us Catholics, it is found in the rude behavior of the scout from the University of Notre Dame that comes to see Joy run a track meet.  This person could potentially offer her a scholarship to go to the most popular Catholic college in the nation, but her having to deal with more Christmas Carol inspired threats means that she misses her opportunity.  The scout’s haughty attitude about her not being Notre Dame material annoyed this Catholic.

If you are looking for titles to fill up a Christmas viewing list, do not put Candy Cane Lane on it.  While briefly you see a sign that says “Jesus is the reason,” the rest is as godless as the holiday is becoming.  They can claim that the day is about sharing and spending time with your family, but sadly this film only serves to underscore how we are going in the wrong direction.