When my family still lived in the Chicago area, we had a problem every holiday, not just Christmas: whose side of the family do we go to in order to celebrate?  The solution my parents came up with was to go to my maternal grandparent’s home for Christmas Eve, and my paternal grandparent’s home for Christmas Day.  Unfortunately, neither my dad or mom were (are) religious, so I do not recall Mass being an aspect of these activities.  As I got older with thoughts of getting married and having my own family, I dreaded this decision.  I am currently discerning a different calling, though this has nothing to do with that specific fear.  Perhaps I need to pray on this matter some more?  When I was actively seeking a wife, I always hoped that some factor outside of my control would make this decision for me, thereby taking the responsibility of possibility hurting somebody’s feelings out of my control.  Terrible, no?  I was reminded of this while watching Your Christmas or Mine? (2022), the plot of which revolves around the two main characters trying to navigate many of these same dynamics.

Those two are Hayley Taylor (Cora Kirk) and Hubert James Hughes (Asa Butterfield), and as they walk to a London train station on “Christmas Eve . . . Eve,” it is not really a matter of Your Christmas or Mine?  Their relationship is two months old and they are still getting to know one another, though there are indications that they are more in tune with each other than they realize.  They do like each other a great deal and want to spend the holidays together, but for the moment they are going their separate ways.  Yet, not long after they board their respective trains, they have a change of heart and decide to switch conveyances.  Now, Hayley is heading to James’ country estate (literally) and James is set to arrive at Hayley’s cozy suburban town house.  Concurrently, they each have yet to reveal the fact that they are dating to their families, and when they finally get to talk to each other (made more difficult when Hayley’s forgets her phone on the train), they are made to promise to keep their relationship secret.  Because they go on to be separated for the majority of the film, with it switching its focus back and forth between them, I will not be going in the same order in which it is shown.  Hayley is not aware of the exalted position James’ family enjoys in the village of Kemble, where his family occupies a manor house on the outskirts of town.  They have such a position because James’ father is Lord Humphrey Hughes (Alex Jennings), the Earl of Gloucester, and James is actually 307^th in line for the throne of England.  Upon arriving at the front door, Hayley is greeted by Iris (Harriet Walter), the housekeeper, who, like Lord Humphrey, takes Hayler as an applicant for a maid position.  In any case, Hayley’s reception is a cold one, which is not helped by the fact that Lord Humphrey had followed in the long line of their family’s military men.  Once it is realized that Hayley is not a job seeker, Lord Humphrey is told that she is to be one of James’ classmates at the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst, though with reservations given her loose manner and predilection to theatrics.  Such is her impertinence that he is forceful that she leave immediately, though Iris points out that it will not be until morning.  With James, he is at least able to keep his phone and use it to navigate his way to Hayley’s house, though not before having to hand over £10 to Hayley’s little brothers.  The scene he encounters in the house is a chaotic one, and nobody is sure of his identity.  On top of the crazy questions, Hayley’s Aunt Kaye Taylor (Natalie Gumede) comes on to James in such a way that he has to tell her that he is gay in order to keep her at bay.  Because of the lateness of the night and the weather, they are forced to stay the night in their respective parent’s homes.  The next morning, all the trains are once again canceled.  Hayley trudges all the way back to Hughes manor, if you will, and has a chat with Iris about James’ deceased mother.  Iris tells Hayley that Lord Humphrey will not be back until later, giving her free reign of the house.  Wandering into areas she had been told not to enter, Hayley finds the Christmas decorations that had been James’ mother’s and decides to put them up around the house.  While this is a nice gesture, in the process she accidentally lets the dog out, which gets shot by the neighbor.  Things do not fare any better for James.  While he has a reasonably good time hanging out with Kath Taylor (Angela Griffin), Hayley’s mom, along with the other female figures, he later finds out that Hayley has a fiancé.  This is Steve (Lucien Laviscount), who is in the army, and drops in on the family unannounced.  James does his best to process this information, but nearly gets into a fistfight with Steve.  It is about this time that Hayley is finally able to call home, but the phone is answered by Steve.  It seems that they had been broken up for some time, but he refuses to let her go.  When the phone is finally passed to James, Hayley does not get the chance to explain.  Back at the Hughes’ estate, Iris gets Lord Humphrey to see the error of his ways, and he ends up saving Hayley as she attempts to walk back once more in the cold.  As for James, the following morning Hayley’s father, Geoff Taylor (Daniel Mays), ends up driving everyone to Kemble.  They are all reunited, and Hayley and James make amends.  We close with them gathering at the Taylor’s humble abode for Christmas Day, Hayley and James posing for a picture with everyone.

I enjoyed Your Christmas or Mine immensely, though it came with some sobering conclusions.  Not to sound like a Scrooge, but it seems that Christmas movies that talk about the “reason for the season” as the saying goes are more the exception than the rule.  It could be because I am not married, though I have dated people this time of year, but it appears that Hollywood has decided that instead of relating to Jesus’ birth, Christmas means romance.  As such, it leads to me grasping for straws more often as a Catholic reviewer.  In this vein, I had the tiniest glimmer of hope when the word “Advent” is spoken.  I am willing to bet that outside of us Catholics, the only reason most people know this word is because it is typically followed by “calendar.”  People have Advent calendars in order to mark the fall of days until Christmas.  They also often put chocolates in them.  The fact that they are counting the amount of time remaining to one of the holiest days of the year seems immaterial to moviemakers.  Advent in the Christian sense is a time of preparation.  The more the heart can be ready to receive Jesus on Christmas Day, the more special will be the day.  One of the goals of all Christians is to learn to know Jesus, and this is a lifetime process meant to be renewed every year when we observe this holiday with a view towards Our Savior.  It is about relationship, which is what the movie addresses.  A key part of any healthy interaction with anyone, including God, is honesty and openness.  This is something the characters in the film are not doing.  It is kind of neat, though, how they accidentally travel to each other’s homes and learn about one another through their respective families.  Christmas draws us to the Holy Family as a way of pointing to what Jesus is to become.  So, the next time you hear or read the world “Advent,” know that there is more to it than what you hear in movies.

If it is a romantic comedy set during the Christmas season you want, then I recommend Your Christmas or Mine.  If you want something that speaks to that “reason for the season,” then I suggest something else.  Either way, this is a good one.