One of the things I often discuss with my poor spiritual director is perfectionism.  I say “poor” because it is a subject to which I frequently return.  I imagine him getting tired of the repetition, but this, too, is a problem with trying to be too perfect.  I apply this often unfair standard to the movies I watch, which has brought me some criticism from family and friends that I do not like anything I see and review.  They are generalizing, of course, though I probably will not be changing how I approach cinematic material.  Yet, these thoughts came to mind while watching A Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2014), a film suggested by my broadcast partner on our YouTube channel, Oh Man Disney, and our podcast, Down & Out Reviews.  I realized that my default desire for on-screen characters is for them to basically be angels, which is unrealistic.  I will get more into this in the third paragraph, but you will probably see where this is headed as I describe the proceedings to you.

A young Boyd Mitchler (J. J. Jones) is about to not have A Merry Friggin’ Christmas, or will have one, depending on how you read the title.  What I mean is that he awakens in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve to sneak down to the tree.  We have all been there, no?  He quickly mistakes his father’s, Virgil Mitchler (Robin Williams), footsteps for those of Santa Claus.  Boyd’s excited question startles Virgil, who drops his glass full of alcohol and responds to his son by telling the kid how terrible is life.  Virgil completes the vindictiveness by informing Boyd that there is no Santa Claus.  This Yule Time snippet is one example of an entire childhood of verbal abuse that makes the grown-up Boyd (Joel McHale) come to despise Virgil and want little to do with the family that raised him.  He does his best to make sure that his own family does not turn out anything like how he was treated.  He and his wife, Luann Mitchler (Lauren Graham), live in Chicago, not in rural Wisconsin as he did as a child.  He is a hedge fund manager, and she is a teacher, meaning they are well-off.  They are also raising their children differently, not eating red meat and emphasizing education.  The youngest of them is Douglas Mitchler (Pierce Gagnon).  As they are about to meet Santa Claus, his older sister, Vera Mitchler (Bebe Wood), comments on the fact that the magical gift giver is not real before she is warned against doing so by Boyd.  Dad is keen that his son maintain the wonder of Christmas for longer than he did.  Later that night, Boyd gets a call from his younger brother, Nelson Mitchler (Clark Duke), that he suddenly has a child and that he is going to have him baptized on Christmas Eve.  The infant belongs to his ex-girlfriend, and is not actually his offspring, but he accepts responsibility for the baby and asks Boyd to be the Godfather.  Boyd readily accepts, but as he hangs up the phone a terrifying fact sinks in for him: he will have to spend Christmas with his parents in Wisconsin.  With some encouragement from Luann, they pack up their car and head to the Cheese State.  While Virgil is not excited about the prospect of having to do things differently to accommodate his son, his wife, Donna Mitchler (Candice Bergen), is thrilled to have all their children together for Christmas for the first time in years.  This includes her daughter, Shauna Mitchler-Weinke (Wendi McClendon-Covey), and her, er, eclectic family.  I am being charitable.  At any rate, before things can get too heated between Boyd and Virgil, they head to church for the baptism.  They save the verbal jabs for when they are having dinner, and they do not mince word in showing their disapproval of one another.  They manage to get through the meal without coming to blows, though this nearly happens following putting the children to bed in the basement.  Man, I miss those convenient home additions living in Florida, but I digress.  Upon coming back upstairs, Boyd looks around the tree and does not see gifts for his family, particularly a big one meant for Douglas.  Panicking, thinking that Christmas will be ruined for his son, Boyd decides that he is going to make the eight hour round trip to retrieve the presents.  Unfortunately, shortly after departing the dreaded check engine light brings his car to a halt with mechanical problems.  It is Virgil that comes to his son’s assistance, and together they will head south.  Luann remains at Donna and Virgil’s place, heading into the attic to look for a backup gift for Douglas in case Boyd and Virgil do not return on time.  With a few misadventures along the way, they get to Boyd’s house and he finds the large present.  It is a sleigh, by the way.  While he looks around, Virgil notices an older picture of the extended family on Boyd’s shelf, but with Virgil cut out of the group.  On the way back, Virgil confronts his son about this, and they finally have it out about the hurt that dad had caused Virgil over the course of Boyd’s entire life.  Upon hearing it all, Virgil sincerely apologizes, and they share an awkward hug as they are speeding down the road.  This awkwardness leads to a near homicide as they hit a homeless person dressed as Santa (Oliver Platt).  Their initial idea to deal with this situation, horribly, is to try to conceal the crime.  Luckily, Santa revives and volunteers to give them a ride the rest of the way on his snow mobile because, of course, such a person would have one of these. . . .  In any case, they return just as the kids are getting up, and their Santa volunteers to bring the gifts in so that Douglas can continue to believe.  Ultimately, the boy is more impressed, oddly enough, with the “how to play bridge” kit retrieved by Donna and Luann than the sled.

One would say this is A Merry Friggin’ Christmas if they had to experience something similar.  I count myself in this category.  I do not know what it is about the holidays, but they often bring out the worst among loved ones.  I have seen it as a child and an adult.  This is probably why I am always looking for the idealized Christmas, especially when so many films on the subject do not speak to the origin of the holiday.  This one is no exception, though there are some tantalizing moments in which they speak to the birth of Jesus.  The church scene on Christmas Eve, you might think, would be one such instance.  It looks like it could be a Catholic setting, too, but I believe it is more meant to look blandly Christian.  Those are two words that should never be seriously used together, otherwise I would suggest that you might want to rethink your faith.  The other references to the “reason for the season” are delivered more in joke form, such as when Shauna’s sex-offender husband, Dave Weinke (Tim Heidecker), describes Baby Jesus as dying on the Cross.  Such lines, for better or worse (though I vote for worse), are more indicative of the common way people might talk during family gatherings this time of year.  Okay, this might be an extreme example as I hope people do not seriously think it that Our Savior went straight to Crucifixion after he was born.  Still, as much as I might wish this is the case, even the most devout Catholic families are not going to have a perfect liturgical Christmas.

Oddly enough, some credit should be given to Nelson in A Merry Friggin’ Christmas.  He has his quirks, which are played for comedic effect, but he willingly gives in to raising a child that is not his.  This is probably the closest to the spirit of Christmas than anything else you will see in this movie, and in many others that I have covered.  I am not sure this is enough to recommend it, but it is something.