If you were to ask most people who the first actor they think of when you say to them “Bond.  James Bond,” I would be willing to bet most people would say Sean Connery.  By “most people,” I am taking into account young and old alike.  By that caveat, it would likely fall along the lines of the old thinking of the recently deceased Scotsman, and the young giving you the recently ceased in the role of the famous British secret agent, Daniel Craig.  What pushes it in favor of Connery is the fact that culture probably tells you that it is him most associated with the character.  It is he who first gave us most of the familiar tropes, and is the one most represented as 007.  This is interesting because while he is remembered for his important part in the franchise, few people would give you Roger Moore.  I kind of get it.  His run gets progressively sillier.  Yet, by Octopussy (1983), he matches Connery in the number of times he has appeared in these films.  By the time he gets to his last one, he surpasses his British colleague.  Unfortunately, this also means I have one more of his movies about which to write.  Sigh.  Well, let us get on with it.

Octopussy is one of two kinds of openings for James Bond (Roger Moore).  This is the variety that has nothing to do with the main plot, but is instead intended to show you his skills as an operative of military intelligence, section six (MI6).  He is in an unspecified Latin American country with an apparent communist dictatorship, probably meant to evoke Cuba.  He is trying to blow up some device, but is caught before he is successful.  Yet, he is able to escape with the help of a stunningly beautiful assistant.  He then jumps in his car-sized jet, uses the heat seeking missile sent to knock him out of the sky to complete his mission, and heads home.  Before he can fully depart, the clown show starts with him having to pull over for gas.  Speaking of clowns, in East Berlin a literal representative of the circus (Andy Bradford) is on the run.  He is chased by Grischka (Anthony Meyer) and Mischka (David Meyer), twin knife throwing assassins who also work under the big-top.  They manage to get a blade into the clown’s back.  He floats down a river, but is able to make it to the British embassy.  It turns out that he is 009 of MI6, and with his dying breath lays a Fabergé egg at the feet of the diplomat.  The piece turns out to be a fake, but it is taken in by MI6 all the same.  James is sent to an auction with the well-done forgery, but they are also able to come up with the genuine article.  They put the real item up for sale in order to see who will come to buy it.  This turns out to be Kamal Khan (Louis Jourdan), an exiled Afghan prince, who now secretly works with the Soviet Union.  To be more specific, he is in league with General Orlov (Steven Berkhoff), a maverick Soviet officer who wants to start a war with the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) countries.  His comrades think he is insane, but he has a plan to raise money for his clandestine operations by selling off Russian jewels.  As for Kamal, MI6 is well aware of him, and James is sent to India to keep tabs on the former member of royalty.  Once there, James is able to get information about Kamal’s activities from Magda (Kristina Wayborn) through the use of his tiresome nighttime maneuvers.  Specifically, he finds an octopus tattoo on her, and it is an emblem of the group to which she belongs.  He also allows her to steal the real Fabergé because it has a listening device on it.  Shortly thereafter, he is knocked out by Gobinda (Kabir Bedi), Kamal’s bodyguard, who takes James to his master’s palace.  Still, James is able to learn not only of Kamal’s dealings with General Orlov, but that he is working with a female smuggler named Ocotpussy (Maude Adams).  Thus, shortly after escaping from Kamal’s compound, James infiltrate’s Octopussy’s island in order to gain more information.  This would seem to be a disaster for a man like James since the compound is inhabited entirely by women.  They are Octopussy’s band of smugglers/circus performers.  The act is cover for her illicit activities, and the same one from which 009 had escaped.  Kamal has basically been her benefactor and business associate.  She also has no idea that her partner is working with General Orlov.  This last bit becomes evident after James sleeps with her, and they survive an assassination attempt orchestrated by Kamal.  James leaves in the midst of the struggle before he can bring these concerns to Octopussy.  Meanwhile, she heads for Europe in order to complete another smuggling operation, this time moving more jewels sent from the Soviet Union.  James follows them to Berlin, and infiltrates the railroad car in time to witness the arming of a nuclear bomb by General Orlov.  It is bound with the rest of the performers for the American airbase in West Germany.  The Soviet officer hopes to detonate it there, crippling NATO and allowing the Russians to launch an attack he believes will tip the balance of world power in his country’s favor.  James gets all this from the usual villain rant delivered by General Orlov before he is eventually thwarted.  James has to break into the American base, dress as a clown, and is able to stop the explosion milliseconds before the blast.  Kamal and Gobinda get back to India as this drama unfolds, but are attacked by Octopussy and her women.  James joins in, too, and has to save Octopussy from a plane in midair.  He is allowed to stay in India to nurse his wounds, which really just means more sex.  The end.

In the introduction to Octopussy, I accused it of being part of a trend of the Roger Moore iterations that trend towards silliness.  I mean, James shows up when Octopussy’s acolytes are storming Kamal’s palace, doing so in a hot air balloon painted like the British flag, and piloted by MI6 inventor Q (Desmond Llewelyn).  What gives this Catholic a slight bit of pause in this zaniness is Octopussy and her women.  Please do not accuse me of ogling them, although the way they are dressed and act makes that part difficult.  I can at least maintain my chastity by forgetting about most of this nonsense as soon as I am done writing this review.  At any rate, Octopussy talks about how all the women in her charge came to her because they sought a spiritual way of life.  This fits with the era in which the film was made as there was a trend towards Eastern philosophies, the effects of which we are still dealing with today.  See Eat, Pray, Love (2010) for a stricter treatment of this idea.  Octopussy, despite her statement, is less concerned about enlightenment, otherwise I would guess that, if nothing else, they would not dress as they do.  In a general sense, though, her words speak to something to which God instills in all of us at the moment of our conception: a desire to know Him.  Today, we have forgotten that God is the source of this feeling, labeling it as bland “spirituality.”  Obviously, us Christians have an inside track on this, but ecumenically speaking it is the basis for that spirituality.  I pray that people satisfy that hunger by turning to God instead of falling on in circus performers/smugglers/private army, or whatever else you call her group.  Here is a thought: become a nun.  It may not have the glamor you see in the movie, but it will satisfy that which you seek.

Okay, Octopussy means only one more of the Roger Moore Bond films.  I started off with the notion that his films were ridiculous, swung in the opposite direction for a little bit, but are back to being more in line with my original thoughts.  Further, there is really nothing new here.  Hence, I would skip this one as well.