The first thing I muttered under my breath as the end credits to Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga began to roll was, “Thank God.”  I was relieved that it was finally over.  It started last night with the longest set of trailers that I think I have ever sat through in the theater.  Normally, I like previews, but this was excessive.  Speaking of first looks at upcoming features, do you recall seeing any for this one?  I am willing to bet that you did.  I saw it plenty of times, mainly because I go to the movies every weekend and they were hyping the heck out of this one.  To build excitement, I noticed that they sent “star” Anya Taylor-Joy out to do press on the film.  I put the word in the last sentence in quotation marks because she does not show up in the proceedings until it is nearly half over.  Further, though I guess this is less of an issue, you can fill maybe a paragraph with the lines she utters in a nearly two-and-a-half-hour feature.  This includes everything said by Alyla Browne, the young lady who plays a younger version of her character.  The real reason for my relief when it made it to the end is because it is almost entirely pointless.  Allow me to explain why this is so.

Either Australia already is a post-apocalyptic wasteland, or we are supposed to remember from other installments in this franchise how it got to be nearly an endless desert, but everything sucks at the beginning of Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga.  Everything, that is, except for this one tiny sliver of an oasis in the middle of the outback where there is plentiful food and water.  The people that inhabit this area jealously guard the secret of its existence.  This is why a young Furiosa (Alyla Browne) immediately attacks a group of interlopers instead of calling for the grown-ups to help.  Actually, she is forced to do so when her actions are pretty well stopped.  Because she is valuable to these intruders for reasons I can only guess at, they decide to take her.  Though the inhabitants look to be a peaceful people, Furiosa’s mother, Mary Jo Bassa (Charlee Fraser), is a warrior of some kind who goes after her daughter.  Despite Mary Jo’s efforts, Furiosa is brought before Dementus (Chris Hemsworth), the leader of a roving band of Wasteland marauders called the Biker Horde.  Those that bring her into the warlord’s presence get him to believe that she comes from a place of abundance, with plenty of food and water.  When Mary Jo’s rescue attempt ends in failure, she will not give up the location of her land to Dementus.  She remains silent despite being tortured.  Furiosa is force to stand-by and watch her mother die, but she also does not divulge the direction in which to travel to reach her home.  I assume she is allowed to live in the hopes that eventually she will change her mind.  In the meantime, Dementus sets about his plan to conquer the Wasteland, making his Biker Horde grow exponentially along the way.  When they have gotten to whatever metric it is he uses to judge that they have the right size, Dementus decides to take on the Citadel.  They motor up to the mountainous fortress of a collection of people who almost defy description, save for a group among them that decide to shave their heads and whiten their skin.  Their leader, Immortan Joe (Lachy Hulme), is unfazed by Dementus’ threats and essentially scares away the Biker Horde.  For lack of a better term, as a consolation prize the Biker Horde moves on to Gastown.  This is not a metaphorical name.  This is literally where the fuel for all the nonsensical cars you see in these films is produced.  Using a ruse, Dementus gains control of this supply and then uses this, and take prisoners.  The hostages Dementus uses to cement his hold on Gastown and gain concessions from Immortan Joe.  Still, because Immortan Joe remains mostly unmoved by Dementus.  During their tête-à-tête between the two strong men, Immortan Joe’s eyes are drawn to Furiosa.  In order for the deal to be agreed upon, she must stay in the Citadel.  Apparently forgetting about the possibility of paradise, Dementus views the oil as the bigger reward and agrees to these terms.  From there, she is sent to live in what I can only describe as a harem, though she escapes from that and the unwanted advances of one of the guards closest to Immortan Joe.  Instead of escaping into the countryside and heading home, as her mother instructor her to do before she passed away, she decides to stay?  Huh, what?  In remaining, she decides to cut her hair and pass herself off as a boy, growing up into a talented person (Anya Taylor-Joy) at the Citadel.  In this guise, she goes with a convoy sent to Gastown to obtain gasoline, its main driver being the Praetorian (a position in the Citadel that is never explained) Jack (Tom Burke).  Her assistance in fending off a raid earns her more respect, but also reveals the fact that she is a woman.  No one seems to care that this is the case, and she, too, becomes a praetorian . . . I suppose.  I mean, she starts smearing her forehead with soot like Jack, so this is my theory, anyway.  This also gives her ample opportunity to get revenge on Dementus, but she does not immediately take it.  Rather, it is not until Dementus decides to once more to upset the order of the Wasteland by taking over the Bullet Farm (again, it means exactly what it says, except it is in a quarry?) and attacking the Citadel’s convoy that her and Jack are leading.  They manage to get away, but Dementus catches up to them and captures them.  Jack is slowly tortured and killed.  Furiosa, though, cuts away her mangled arm and returns to the Citadel.  There she informs Immortan Joe as to what the Biker Horde is doing, and some kind of war ensues.  We do not see much of it.  What is shown is Furiosa personally hunting down Dementus amongst the survivors of his group.  She plants the seed she had carried with her from the Green Place, and we see a barely living Dementus with a tree growing out of his abdomen as the film ends.

If you saw a point to what I described of Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, then you are a sharper person than me.  This is not simply me being a disgruntled moviegoer using a classic criticism to express my displeasure.  People often use that line when they cannot accurately articulate why they did not like a piece of cinema.  I developed this opinion before we get to Anya Taylor-Joy finally assuming the title mantle.  What confirmed it for me was the post-credits bits.  As I am about to get out of my seat, you see Furiosa go into the harem area and escape with the women.  It was then that it occurred to me that, oh yeah, there are more of these things.  This movie is supposed to be a prequel to 2015’s Mad Max: Fury Road, in which Charlize Theron plays Furiosa.  I have not seen that one, but since I have been thinking about watching the others in the franchise.  As such, I will likely get around to it one day.  However, that day is not today, so the fact that these scenes are produced suggests that the makers expect you and I to have seen the other film.  I find that to be a bit presumptuous.  The way it plays, then, is without a true ending.  The mission that Mary Jo gives her daughter is never fulfilled, at least not in this movie.  I also do not feel this works as a character study.  Outside of the first few minutes where young Furiosa is a carefree kid, she spends the rest of the proceedings pissed off.  She wants revenge, and eventually gets it, but I do not see any growth for her character.  This, too, adds to why this movie is pointless.  If there is no ending, if you need another movie to understanding this context, and the main character has no emotional development, can we really say this is a film?

Not only is Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga’s status as a movie in question, I am at a loss as to how to analyze it from a Catholic perspective.  There is one moment in the movie, which is also in the trailer, when we see Dementus screaming at Furiosa and Jack about there being no hope.  Hope is something God instills in all of us, but the desert setting does its best to take away that idea completely.  Of course, nobody, including most of all a character calling himself Dementus, can take away something God-given like hope.  What makes this a hard one on which to dwell is I have no idea how Dementus arrived at the conclusion that it was “hope” inspiring Furiosa and Jack in their quest when the villain catches up to them.  Neither of them seem to have a hopeful spark in their eye.  In short, this line makes little sense.  The closest we can come to injecting some Christianity into this analysis is looking at the use of apocalyptic imagery.  The Bible is often tapped for inspiration in these moments, and this one is no exception.  Furiosa is referred to as the “Darkest of Angels” and the “fifth rider of the apocalypse.”  In some respects, I can rejoice over the use of these images because it indicates that the West still turns to Faith in order to deal with such situations.  At the same time, it bothers me that one of the most stereotypical moments that culture turns to the Bible is when it talks about post-apocalyptic events.  This is not the only movie example of this phenomenon, but it is the one about which I am talking today.  I am here to tell you, folks, that there is still time before the end is nigh for you to repent and believe in God.  Then again, God appears to be not at all considered by anyone in this movie, so I am inferring much of what I am saying here.

What you can correctly infer is that Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga is not worth two and a half hours of your time.  I would say you could go if you are in the mood for a nap, but then again, you could stay home and do that for free.  Otherwise, you are looking at seemingly endless sequences of car chases and explosions without any structure.