There are many confusing aspects of Tim Burton’s 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes, though this could be a function of the fact that I saved it for last in my viewing of the entire series.  A person seeing this one and none of the others, particularly its predecessors, might watch this and think, oh, so these are the monkey movies everyone talks about?  Wait, where is Charlton Heston?  Do not worry.  He has a brief cameo, this time as an ape.  Such things are done in order to give a cinematic nod to the source material, and to satisfy the mob who think you cannot have an entry in a franchise without including one or two faces that made it famous.  There are some other moments in this one along those lines, but it looks like they took a bunch of ideas from across the first five films, tossed them into a script blender, and gave it to Tim Burton to consume.  He must have been just as puzzled as me because the result bears little resemblance to any of his other work.  With that, I give you my review.

Like the original, this Planet of the Apes begins in outer space, but this time we are a little forward in the future, the year being 2029.  A young chimpanzee named Pericles is helping to test the craft belonging to a larger ship of the United States Air Force (USAF) called the Oberon.  The person overseeing Pericles is Captain Leo Davidson (Mark Wahlberg).  After one of Pericles’ simulations, the crew of the Oberon are alerted to a storm in space . . . I guess.  Whatever it is that is going on, Pericles is sent out to investigate over Captain Davidson’s objections.  Inevitably, something goes wrong, and with a cry of “I’m going to get my chimp!” Captain Davidson goes after Pericles.  Captain Davidson is sucked into the same vortex.  He is treated to a pretty light show, which apparently distracts his attention away from the screen marking the date (which, why is that a thing?) as it rapidly climbs.  Then again, I would be distracted, too, if it looked like the tiny vessel I was in was about to crash.  He comes down in the deepest swamp ever, with the craft sinking immediately and him having to swim the roughly twenty feet to the surface.  He has barely the time to catch his breath before a panicked horde of people are rushing past him.  I have a policy in such situations to join the mob.  Captain Davidson follows this advice, but he is soon caught by the pursuers.  He is surprised to find out that they are talking apes.  As those with which he is captured are herded into the city, we meet Ari (Helena Bonham Carter), a chimpanzee descendant who sees the way humans are treated as barbaric.  She can be outspoken about such behavior because her father is Senator Sandar (David Warner), a prominent politician.  Ari is on hand to give Limbo (Paul Giamatti), an orangutan who deals in human slaves, a hard time.  Her haranguing almost ends in disaster when Captain Davidson gets a hold of her.  Instead, she proposes to buy Captain Davidson and Daena (Estella Warren), who had been taken at the same time as Captain Davidson.  They come to Ari’s home on the night that Senator Sandar is hosting a party whose guests include General Thade (Tim Roth), a chimpanzee who has ambitions of wresting military control of ape civilization for himself.  With that in mind, it should come as no shock that he has a deep hatred for humans.  After the dinner, Captain Davidson initiates his escape, freeing the others held in the household.  Remember what I said about all the confusing moments?  Well, you know how when you are trying to get away from those who wish you ill that you try to do so without being seen?  Illogically, this is not what Captain Davidson and Daena opt for, but they are eventually aided by Ari and her assistant, General Krull (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), a former military officer.  They make it out, and General Thade explains to Senator Sandar that his daughter is being held hostage by the humans.  Captain Davidson’s intent is to make it to his downed ship and recover a few items, namely the beacon that will allow him to communicate with the Oberon.  Remarkably, it picks up a signal, but it is in the direction of a place the apes refer to as “Calima.”  They claim that this is where the first of their kind came from, and that their originator, Semos, would return at this spot.  To get to it, they must traverse the “Forbidden Area,” (what is with all these “forbidden” places?) not the “Forbidden Zone” this time, and pass through some of General Thade’s soldiers sent to stop them.  Once they get to their destination, Captain Davidson is puzzled by what looks to be an ancient wreck, thousands of years old.  Investigating it further, it turns out to be the Oberon.  His little tracker device is able to power up the nuclear power cells and still functioning electronics (because, of course), and he finally accepts that he has traveled through time.  The various apes that they kept on the ship are the ones who gave rise to the simian civilization.  In short, his plan for getting off this world and returning to where or whenever it is he left is clearly not going to work.  Worse yet, General Thade’s army is approaching, and hundreds of humans have come to this locale in order to see the human that defied the apes.  Thus, Captain Davidson decides to fight alongside his brethren, with a little help from Ari and General Krull.  Captain Davidson is able to use the final thrust left in the Oberon to achieve a small victory, but it soon devolves into hand-to-hand fighting.  In the middle of the chaos, Pericles’ vessel lands, and the apes take it as the second coming of Semos.  When this does not prove to be quite right, it undoes everything the apes believed about their origin, except in the mind of General Thade.  He decides to keep fighting, but is eventually trapped in the Oberon’s command deck.  With this, Captain Davidson bids everyone farewell and heads back into the storm in space.  This time he crash lands in front of the Lincoln Memorial, but it is one dedicated to General Thade.  In other words, it is an, er, Planet of the Apes. . . .  Sigh.

At no point in watching this version of Planet of the Apes does it say that what you are seeing takes place on Earth.  I suppose this could be assumed, but it does not fit with other aspects of the plot.  For example, the humans of this era seem to be just as intelligent, and talkative, as the apes.  Thus, how did we get the topsy-turvy society in this one?  I suppose the answer to that question, and the dozens of others I have, do not matter when compared to my Catholic perspective.  On this note, there is little to choose from, other than looking at the continued belief in a god, whatever form that takes.  You do see some apes praying, but this is not a major part of the film.  The one moment that is worth pausing on is when General Thade claims that extremism in defense of apes is no vice.  This is an adaptation of a quote from Senator Barry Goldwater’s 1964 presidential campaign.  Substitute the word “apes” with “liberty” and you have the same quote.  These words caught my Catholic attention.  In some respects, they can be applied to Faith.  Those who believe are often viewed as “extremists,” though they typically do not see themselves in this manner.  The word has an ugly connotation, one that says such people are willing to do whatever is necessary, beyond reason, in order to achieve their goals.  Often this is applied to pro-life protestors or televangelists.  As a pro-life supporter myself, I will admit that there are times when those advocating for the protection of unborn lives have gone too far in their demonstrations.  Any time your beliefs harm another, that is when being an extremist becomes a negative.  At the same time, God calls us to a total reliance on Him, which non-Christians find difficult to understand.  I cannot claim to fully understand it myself, but that is why we call it practicing the Faith.  Clearly, General Thade is an example of the bad kind of extremist, one that clings to the error of his ways even when they are proven wrong.  I would argue that a better way to evangelize than yelling at people on televisions or firebombing abortion clinics is to be devout in showing them the truth of God’s love.

Overall, Planet of the Apes, like its cousins, is about finding a better way to co-exist.  For us Catholics, co-existence does not mean complacency.  We must continue to spread the good news of the Gospel, but we can do so without resorting to the bigotry you see on display in these movies.  You also do not need to watch this or any of them to know this truth.