According to my Google homepage, The Idea of You, starring Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine, has been generating a lot of hype. The movie, which is based on the book of the same name, tells the story of a romance between a 40-year-old single mom and a 24-year-old lead singer of a boy band. If your first thought when you read that sentence was “Ew,” you may want to challenge yourself to watch this movie, or you may not be able to get through it.

Anne Hathaway is delightful in The Idea of You as Solene, the 40-year-old divorcee and single mother of a teenage daughter. She meets Hayes Campbell (Galitzine), a Harry Styles-esque singer, at Coachella by accident, and he is instantly smitten. He pursues her pretty aggressively (and with a lot of money), and the couple begins to secretly date. Solene becomes insecure about their age difference, and they face scrutiny as their relationship becomes public. Will they overcome these challenges and prove that love conquers all? 

Spoiler alert: 

They do.

While watching The Idea of You, it occurred to me that I haven’t watched a romantic comedy in a long time. I tend not to enjoy their predictability and how unrealistic they can often be. I think these types of movies can be enjoyed for what they are: a simple watch that doesn’t involve too much thought and that will leave you feeling uplifted. Hallmark Christmas movies are a great example of this. However, I think we should be cautious about consuming this type of media too often. I once heard someone describe romance novels, and by extension, RomComs, as “pornography for women,” and I can see why that person would say that.  These types of stories usually star a very generic female protagonist who any viewer (or reader) could easily replace with themselves. In this role, they can live out the fantasy laid before them, which usually involves a prototype of “The Perfect Man.” He is kind, emotionally available, but also incredibly masculine and attractive. He may experience some difficulty with vulnerability or an external obstacle, but he will always overcome it for true love. These types of movies frequently do portray physical intimacy, which can provide temptation to those trying to practice chastity. However, the emotional intimacy is often the true addiction or temptation for the female viewers. I found a quote from a Christian blog that I think sums this up well: “Lust is a desire for something that isn’t yours to have. And plenty of women, myself included, have lusted for the pursuit and intimacy of a husband way before it was ours to have.”  (https://kellyneedham.com/posts/2016/12/06/women-sexual-temptation-learning-to-talk-about-lust) As Catholics, this is just something we need to be aware of.

While not all romance novels and RomComs fit this description, The Idea of You certainly does. A famous 24-year-old, extremely wealthy singer pursuing your average 40-year-old mom is something right out of a fantasy (except, she’s not your average 40-year-old mom, she’s Anne Hathaway. I wonder how many 24-year-old pop singers would be interested in an actually average 40-year-old woman?). If you find yourself watching movies like this and entering into the fantasy too fully or wishing that your spouse did this or that, or looked like him, or that she was more like her, you may want to reflect on and pray about these thoughts and feelings. 

However, I appreciate the message that The Idea of You is trying to convey, which is that society holds double standards about age gaps in relationships. As the movie rather heavy-handedly brings up, would the reaction have been the same if the roles were reversed? Older men date and marry younger women all the time! We see this a lot in Catholic circles, actually. As a woman in her late 30s, I can appreciate the sentiment and the idea that women can be desirable even as they approach middle age. The fact of the matter is that a woman’s value doesn’t decrease as she ages or as her fertility declines. Her value is inherent in her being. Some people in Catholic circles could use this reminder. 

Overall, The Idea of You is a cute movie that can bring about interesting conversation. I would recommend fast forwarding through the part where she visits him in New York. It is a bit much, sexually.