Put Sahara (2005) in the category of “You just had to, didn’t you?”  Actually, that phrase can generally be applied to many eras of life, and usually implies taking on a responsibility that is not necessary to assume.  That can describe The Legionnaire as a whole.  Yet, some people have God-given callings they need to pursue, and this one is mine.  Thus, when I watched the 1943 movie with the same title, I noted that I may come back to review the 2005 one.  I just had to, you know?  I did not think it was going to be anything too memorable.  After all, as I mentioned while talking about the one from 1943, I saw its 2005 cousin in the theater and cannot remember much from that outing.  I also could not tell you what was going on at that time in my life that would prevent me from recalling any of the details.  Upon completing this treatment, it will hopefully recede back to some forgotten corner of my brain . . . save for one climactic moment that I am afraid will be seared into my consciousness for the rest of my life.

Far from our time or the Sahara Desert, our film begins at the end of the Civil War outside of Richmond, Virginia, in 1865.  Confederate soldiers are frantically loading the ironclad gunship, the CSS Texas, with vast quantities of gold while undergoing cannon fire from Union forces nearby.  I cannot emphasize enough that this is not an ocean-going vessel, though, in fairness, the film seems aware of this fact.  Does it care?  Nope.  Once fully laden, the boat gets underway down the river, and this completes the first scene before the opening credits.  We now switch to modern-day Lagos, Nigeria, where Dr. Eva Rojas (Penélope Cruz) of the World Health Organization (WHO) is looking into cases of a mysterious illness that is plaguing locals.  Someone does not want her prying into this because soon after examining one patient, she is attacked by an unknown assailant at another location.  Luckily (an adjective you can apply to much of what happens in this movie), nearby former United States Navy Sea, Air, and Land (SEAL) soldier Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) is doing some spear fishing.  He sees her struggling with her attackers, saves her, and brings her back to the research vessel the Martha Ann on which he works.  She comes to in time to help Dirk’s lifelong friend and Navy comrade, Al Giordino (Steve Zahn), bring up the Martha Ann’s current prize: the burial coffin of an ancient Nigerian king.  The ship’s owner and head of the National Underwater and Marine Agency (NUMA), retired Admiral James Sandecker (William H. Macy), wants Dirk to be on hand when they present the finding to the Nigerian government. Instead, Dirk has gotten a lead on the CSS Texas, the finding of which has been an obsession of his for some years now.  It is a rare Confederate gold coin, and he gets it from a contact who claims it came from farther up the Niger river in Mali.  Speaking of that war torn country, it is where Dr. Rojas would also like to travel since she believes it is the source of the potential plague she is tracking.  She says as much because, for some reason, she is at the same unveiling of the unearthed Nigerian king.  The person she informs is Yves Massarde (Lambert Wilson), a wealthy French businessman with interests in the area.  He agrees to speak to General Zateb Kazim (Lennie James), the Malian warlord who controls half the country, on her behalf.  The problem is that she does not have a ride into the interior of the continent.  Again luckily (I would like to call this God’s providence, but I do not wish to dignify it as such), Dirk has convinced Admiral Sandecker to let him, Al, and their scientist, Commander Rudi Gunn (Rainn Wilson), to travel up the Niger to pursue the clue about the CSS Texas.  They become a taxi for Dr. Rojas and her colleague, Dr. Frank Hopper (Glynn Turman), to get to Mali.  As soon as they make it to the first populated Malian city, Drs. Hopper and Rojas go on their own way, leaving Al, Dirk, and Commander Gunn to continue surveying for the lost Confederate boat.  Meanwhile, we find out that Yves is not the friend he purports to be, warning General Kazim about the incursions of the Americans and the WHO.  General Kazim sends soldiers after both groups, with Dirk’s bunch are able to get away because of their military training.  They end up losing their speedboat, however.  They send Commander Gunn back to Admiral Sandecker for help, and take to camels to travel deeper into the Malian Sahara.  Once more luckily (please, God, forgive me for any lack of charity) they happen upon Drs. Hopper and Rojas as they are about to be shot.  They are in time to save Dr. Rojas, and together they continue farther into the desert.  Eventually, they come to territory held by rival warlord Modibo (Paulin Fudouop).  They also discover many more sick people.  In researching them further, it is learned that instead of a disease, they are being poisoned by the water.  Because it is not safe for the foreigners to stay, Modibo is eager to see them on their way.  They also get an incentive to go when Al stumbles upon a painting in a cave depicting the CSS Texas.  Following the direction apparently indicated in the drawings takes them to an abandoned settlement.  Their attention (span) is just as quickly diverted when Dirk spots a solar power farm and decides to “check it out.”  Sigh.  Yet again luckily (I wish I could say this is the last time) this turns out to be where Yves is storing chemical and radiated waste that is polluting the water.  Our so-called heroes are captured before they can do anything.  I guess because Yves is French, he decides to keep Dr. Rojas and sends Al and Dirk off on a pick-up truck.  This only gives them the opportunity to escape and return, this time assisted by Modibo.  Yves next attempts to blow up the plant, which would lead to an even worse ecological disaster, but is once more thwarted.  Al, Dirk, and Dr. Rojas get away, but are chased by General Kazim.  Our final luckily comes when, in the midst of their flight, they inadvertently uncover the CSS Texas.  I was laughing hysterically when they use its long defunct cannon to shoot down General Kazim’s helicopter.  The rest of the Malian soldiers give up when Modibo’s men appear.  This all comes to a merciful end with Admiral Sandecker being approached by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and Dirk and Dr. Rojas on a beach somewhere.

Believe it or not, I skirted some of what Sahara has for the poor souls who happen upon it.  The problem is that it lurches between being about lost Confederate treasure to preventing a global environmental catastrophe without any real rhyme or reason.  This is encapsulated when Dirk, upon seeing the solar farm and yet being so close to finding that which he has so long sought, arbitrarily decides to investigate the literal shiny thing in the desert.  I wish there was some great insight into this material that I could draw from using my Faith.  As you no doubt know by this point, this is my purpose with every film I watch for The Legionnaire.  Sometimes I have to stretch things, or go a little beyond what the film intends, to provide you a spiritual context.  I am truly at a loss with this one.  I could make some surface observations about how Al and Dirk display a lack of greed by leaving all the gold they find on the CSS Texas with Modibo’s people.  I am not sure that is any grand revelation.  Christians are taught to share the wealth, and while our modern culture rarely seems to like to admit this fact, Christian charities do a great deal of good in society.  Yes, what Al and Dirk do is charitable, but there does not seem to be any intentionality behind it.  Is it a gesture of generosity, or do they intend to return for the loot?  It is a legitimate question given that Admiral Sandecker hides the fact any gold was found on the wreck.  Otherwise, the film seems to be an excuse to cram as many explosions and stunts into it as possible.  Look, as I hinted at in my synopsis, I want to be charitable in discussing the movie, as I truly wish with everything I do.  God does not want us to put each other down.  It is hard, though, when even the movie acknowledges the impossibility of a long un-fired Civil War era weapon destroying a modern helicopter, as when Dirk comments that it should not have worked.

I suppose it is fitting, in summation of my treatise on Sahara, that there was a great deal of controversy in the wake of its release.  Apparently, there were illegal bribes to the Moroccan government for filming permits, and a resulting budget that mushroomed to the point that people were sued.  All of this should be a stark warning not to see it, unless you are in the mood for something absolutely ridiculous.