Hopefully, this will be the last time I think about or see 300: Rise of an Empire (2014).  I saw it in the theater and did not enjoy it at that time.  So, why choose something I knew was going to be awful?  That is a complicated answer.  If you pay attention to my reviews, you will note that there have been a few titles of late with which you may be unfamiliar.  If you had heard of them before, then my apologies and my proverbial hat is off to you.  Still, sometimes I worry that I am indulging my own whims rather than giving you movies in which you might have some interest.  Afterall, the predecessor of today’s film, 300 (2006), was a bit of a cultural phenomenon.  I will chalk that up as the reason for why I went to the theater for the premier of 300: Rise of an Empire.  In case you think it is easy to sit and watch movies all day long, I give you the following.  As a practicing Catholic and student of the past, such material is challenging to get through, never mind the wild historical inaccuracies.

Speaking of history, Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) is giving a lesson on that subject at the beginning of 300: Rise of an Empire.  She is explaining to the men gathered with her on a boat how they got into this particular situation.  It begins ten years previously when Athenian warrior Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton) kills the Persian King Darius I (Yigal Naor) at the Battle of Marathon.  Watching the ruler take an arrow to the chest is Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro).  They make it back to their capital of Babylon where with Xerxes’ favorite general, Artemisia (Eva Green), the king takes his last breath.  Artemisia is of Greek birth, but wants vengeance on her countrymen for killing her family when she was a child.  With all the headaches the Persians have had (not pictured) in conquering the Greeks, he tries to warn her not to continue fighting them.  Instead, Artemisia tells Xerxes, the heir apparent, that his father wanted his son to avenge his death on the Greeks.  To prepare for this, Xerxes wanders out by himself into the desert to make a deal with the devil.  Sure, I am using Christians terms to describe this sequence, but the film does say that he becomes pure evil.  At any rate, eventually Xerxes marshals his forces and aims them at the collection of independent city states that makes up what we today know as Greece.  It helps, too, if you have seen the prequel to this one because the events are depicted as intertwining.  Thus, as Xerxes heads up the land forces, Artemisia commands the navy.  In Athens, the Greeks are warned of this by Scyllias (Callan Mulvey), a spy and best buds with Themistocles.  While the men of Athens, including Themistocles, ponder what to do about the impending invasion, Scyllias comes to warn them about what they already seem to know.  Themistocles appeals to their sense of “Greek-ness,” truly for lack of a better word, and heads out to garner support.  His first stop is Sparta, where he intends to talk to King Leonidas (Gerard Butler, archival footage).  I guess Butler had a scheduling conflict.  Instead, Themistocles gets Queen Gorgo, who tells the Athenian that Leonidas is appealing to the oracle for direction.  Themistocles then takes whatever other soldiers he can gather and heads for the coast.  The fleet that he gathers is no match in terms of numbers for the Persian one, but for whatever reason Artemisia sends in her ships piecemeal to be decimated by the Greeks.  We are forced to endure a few of these skirmishes where Themistocles’ ingenuity wins the day and Artemisia is forced to murder her subordinates because she is a villain.  In a lull in the battles, she sends for her enemy counterpart to parlay.  She offers for them to surrender, and for him to basically become her slave (couching it as “freedom without consequences”), and using her womanly wiles to persuade him.  I cannot think of a Christian way of describing this scene, so I am purposely being obtuse.  When he refuses, she resorts to a trick of her own that results in the tiny Greek fleet being decimated.  This coincides with Darius’ ultimate triumph over Leonidas’ tiny band of 300, and thus it is on to Sparta to burn it to the ground.  Themistocles manages to survive and vows to fight on, despite the odds being seemingly against him.  It also comes with a further appeal to Queen Gorgo, but this is once more seemingly rejected.  Thus, he takes whatever remains of his fleet into the strait at Salamis.  Against the apparent wishes of Xerxes, Artemisia opts for taking all her boats after Themistocles.  Our hero, though, has a plan, and though it is not the most charitable thing to say, it is laughable.  Sensibly enough, he believes that getting rid of the Persian admiral will throw the Persians into disarray.  His vehicle for accomplishing this is to ride a horse into the fray, jumping from ship-to-ship until he gets to her.  They have their little fight and are holding swords to each other’s throats when the unexpected happens: the Spartan fleet arrives, led by Queen Gorgo.  There are other Greek vessels that come to the battle, too, and together they turn the tide.  Artemisia is defeated, but instead of surrendering, she carries on her duel until she is killed.  Shortly thereafter, Queen Gorgo’s boat pulls up, and together Themistocles leads the inevitable final charge.  The end.

What you get with 300: Rise of an Empire is fantasy history.  The battles and characters were real, but nothing about how these things are depicted should be relied upon for any kind of authenticity.  I say this because one might wonder what value, if any, the movie possesses.  The simple response to this is none.  There is next to nothing to be gleaned from it historically or spiritually.  Of slight interest, though, is the way they personify the concept of Greek freedom, as embodied as being the birthplace of democracy, into a god.  The way that it is talked about is not too dissimilar to how Christians relate to God.  For example, Themistocles is said to have been chosen by freedom to lead the Greeks.  It is God who does these things, and it is incredible to think how He can put people in certain places and times in order to effect His will.  All it takes is us saying yes and amazing things are possible.  This all goes against the ideas held by Artemisia.  As mentioned in the previous paragraph, she calls enslavement “freedom without consequence or responsibility.”  This is how many non-Christians perceive our devotion to God.  Throughout history, people have incorrectly used Faith as a justification for all manner of atrocities, believing that what they were doing was justified based on some warped interpretation of Scripture.  At many points in the Bible, true freedom is shown to be found in following Jesus and submitting to His will.  This, too, can sound like slavery if you do not accept that fact that the all-knowing, all loving God has your best interests at heart.  What God will never do is put us up to evil, world dominating plans as Artemisia would have Themistocles do.

Finally, the idea that Artemisia and Themistocles had the kind of meeting you see in 300: Rise of an Empire is plain silly. With everything you see in that sequence, along with all the blood and gore, not to mention the historical inaccuracies, adds up to there being no reason to watch this movie.  Avoid at all costs.