What makes a live-action version of a cartoon good?  If it is fidelity to the spirit of the original, then Popeye (1980) might be the best version of any attempt to bring the two dimensional into a three-dimensional world.  I cannot be definitive on this because, for some strange reason, they decided to make the film into a musical.  That automatically gets demerits from me, but it is objectively odd.  I cannot claim any expertise on these matters, but to my untrained ear, the lyrics and voices are pretty bad.  To be fair, they are trying to maintain the cadences and styles of the characters, but because it was never the intent of the source material to do song and dance routines, it comes off strange.  If you can ignore these interruptions, what you have is a series of vignettes loosely based around a rescue plot that can be broken up and overlaid over any of the animated shorts with which you might be familiar with from your childhood.  That is the main reason I chose today’s film, and why I hope you keep reading.

The opening of Popeye should be familiar as we see the eponymous “Sailor Man” (voiced by Jack Mercer) voice his confusion about being in the wrong picture.  We then switch to the live action iteration (Robin Williams) rowing up to the seaside town of Sweethaven.  He is not welcomed, from the Taxman (Donald Moffat) levying fees for every action to the townsfolk turning away in fear from the stranger.  His reason for coming, to find his Poppa, is ignored by everyone he meets.  Undeterred, he is able to get a room to rent at the Oyl residence.  The Oyl family is more sociable, but they are bustling about in preparation for their daughter, Olive Oyl (Shelley Duvall), to be engaged to Bluto (Paul L. Smith, singing voice John Wallace).  Bluto is the meanest man in the village, and he has been ruling over the denizens with fear in the absence of the Commodore (Ray Walston).  In the morning, Popeye begins to differentiate himself from other strangers when he fights a group of ruffians causing mischief at the local diner.  Yes, J. Wellington Wimpy (Paul Dooley) is there, telling anyone who will listen that he would gladly pay them on Tuesday for a hamburger today.  That evening is the engagement party and Bluto makes his grunting way to the Oyls.  As Olive is preparing upstairs, she begins to have second thoughts about going through with marrying a man about whom the best thing she can say is that he is “large.” With everyone waiting downstairs, fearing Bluto’s reaction to her tardiness, she slips out the back with luggage in hand.  At the dock, she bumps into Popeye, who offers to help carry her items.  During a musical interlude, a mysterious person sneaks in behind her and swaps out her wicker basket.  When they open it, inside they find Swee’Pea (Wesley Ivan Hurt) with a note attached asking whoever finds him to take care of the infant.  In true Catholic fashion, Olive and Popeye take the child as their own, though they have different ideas on how to raise the little one.  For instance, Olive objects to them bringing Swee’Pea to a boxing match, even though she swoons when Popeye gets into the ring to knockout Oxblood Oxheart (Peter Bray).  It also helps that there is a financial windfall attached to this victory.  Next, Popeye is a little too permissive with letting Wimpy take Swee’Pea to the “horse races” (they are wooden figures on a hand cranked track).  A panicked Olive and Popeye find Wimpy with Swee’Pea at the track/brothel (for some reason), but Swee’Pea’s ability to pick winners has Olive wanting to stay for more.  It is at this point Popeye has had “all he can stands.”  Basically deciding that Olive is an unfit mother, Popeye takes Swee’Pea . . . to live at the docks in a hammock?  Poor living space choice aside, when the Taxman inevitably shows up to collect his so-called due, Popeye pushes him into the water and is instantly made into a hero.  In the hullabaloo of being carried through the town on adoring shoulders, Bluto sneaks in and kidnaps Swee’Pea.  Olive notices Wimpy watching the tumult, and can tell that the burger lover knows something about what has happened.  Forcing him to tell her, she learns about Bluto’s plot and tries a rescue attempt with Wimpy.  She inevitably fails and is captured by Bluto, though Wimpy gets away.  Wimpy finds Popeye to tell the Sailor Man what has happened, but Wimpy has more than one revelation.  It turns out that the Commodore is alive and has been in league with Bluto.  Bluto’s interest lies more with the Commodore’s promise of buried treasure, inevitably double-crossing the older Sailor Man when the brute learns its location.  Further, when Popeye, who had been remorseful about how he treated Olive, goes to where Wimpy directs him, he learns that the “older Sailor Man” is Poopdeck Pappy, his Poppa.  The cantankerous old man is not pleased to see his son, blaming his leaving on the fact that Popeye would not “eats his spinach” when he was a child.  Yet, for the moment, there is something more immediate to attend to, namely catching up with Bluto as he heads for Scab Island, the location of the treasure.  Once he gets there, Swee’Pea once again is able to point the way to riches.  Once Popeye arrives, he immediately goes to work fighting Bluto, but finds that he is overmatched by the “large” man.  What changes the course of the battle is Poopdeck tricking Bluto into shoving spinach down Popeye’s throat.  If you know the cartoon, you can predict what happens next.  In addition to making Bluto literally turn yellow and flee in cowardice, Popeye knocks into orbit the giant octopus who had been endangering Olive.  And everyone is safe because Popeye the Sailor Man ate his spinach.

I am sorry, but I could not resist a grammar joke in describing Popeye at the end of the last paragraph.  Then again, I am not sure how sorry I should be given how silly is the film in its entirety.  Like I said in the introduction, it deserves credit for being faithful, to a degree, to the source material.  At the same time, those cartoons were made in order to get little kids to eat their vegetables, so how seriously can it be taken?  What does have gravitas for this Catholic reviewer is when Poopdeck reminds us during the final fight between Bluto and his son that the good will always win over the bad.  It is a truth that Western culture and its love of anti-heroes has seemed to try to forget in recent decades.  Yet, it is that simple: good will always win over bad.  Bad may win a few times, like putting the Messiah to death on a Cross, but bad does not have the final word.  That lies with the ultimate good, that being God.  No matter how difficult things might get for us, in our personal lives or in society, God has the final say.  That is why Faith is important, and what we do along the way matters.  During the track/brothel scene, Popeye raises his objections to Swee’Pea being used to gamble, saying that wrong is wrong even if it helps you.  In other words, the ends do not justify the means, which is discussed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.  Paragraph 1759 states, “An evil action cannot be justified by a good intention.”  That is almost verbatim what is said in the familiar saying I gave you a moment ago.  Gambling is the issue in the scene, which is a tricky one from a Catholic perspective.  Once more, the Catechism is a handy reference.  It states in paragraph 2413 that “games of chance” are okay so long as they do not “deprive someone of what is necessary to provide for his needs and those of others.”  This could have been the case for Wimpy had he lost, having put all of his money on one of the horses.  That is the kind of risk that warrants a reaction like Popeye’s.

Still, you might not think Popeye is the best source for morality, which is understandable but wrong.  The wrapping for the messages might be off-putting, but they are there if you can stand to watch it.  If these are not enough reason to see it, stick around for the Sweethaven set.  They built the entire village in Malta, and it is still there as a tourist attraction to this day.