There are a couple of actresses that seem to be in many Christmas movies recently made: Lacey Chabert and Lindsay Lohan.  Since my days of late have been taken up by seasonal fare, I begin to notice such patterns.  The two leading ladies mentioned a moment ago share a cinematic root that will, perhaps, define the rest of their careers.  They were members of “The Plastics,” the set of popular girls in 2004’s Mean Girls.  While Lohan is, arguably, still on the career comeback trail, the other has had a different path.  Chabert was a secondary character, and not the recognizable A-lister of her counterpart, though they apparently have remained friends to this day.  At any rate, if you are going to watch Holiday movies like me, particularly ones made in the last few years, you will likely see one of the two.  Today’s example, Our Little Secret, while having a brief period of excitement for this Catholic with a Mass (and will also be the subject of later analysis), it is more of your expected romantic comedy material set against the backdrop of what people inexplicably call Christmas.

I am sure grade school sweethearts Avery (Lindsay Lohan) and Logan (Ian Harding) have what they might call Our Little Secret.  As Avery’s dad, Mitchell (Henry Czerny), narrates for us, what had been close childhood friends blossomed into a romance as adults.  Being the driven business minded person that she is, Avery is offered, and accepts, an opportunity in London.  This is Christmas ten years previous, and it comes shortly after the passing of her mother.  Nonetheless, she goes with a slightly intoxicated Logan to the holiday party being hosted by Mitchell at the house in which she was raised.  With some encouragement from Mitchell, Logan is about to make a speech, but turns it into a marriage proposal.  When she refuses, he accuses her of running away from her problems after the death of her mom.  This barb causes her to permanently break up with him.  Ten years pass and, again, it is that time of year.  Avery is about to go with her boyfriend, Cameron (John Rudnitsky), to spend the holidays with them for the first time.  Because she likes Cameron, even thinking he might be the one, she hopes to make a good impression.  Logan has the same intentions with the family of his girlfriend, Cassie (Katie Baker).  Would you be surprised if I told you that when they get to their respective parties, it turns out that Cameron and Cassie are brother and sister?  In other words, they are spending Christmas with the same family.  Initially, Logan sees it for what it is: an odd coincidence of no importance.  However, Cameron and Cassie’s mother, Erica (Kristin Chenoweth), has not taken a liking to Avery from the moment they first met.  Because Avery is keen on changing the outlook, she gets Logan to pretend they are strangers, and for him to help her with her trouble.  He accedes that perhaps it might be awkward for people to think they were up to something, imagining all kinds of unlikely scenarios.  If only we could always remember that it is God that is in control.  Mostly, this involves doing whatever Erica tells them to do, including having Avery and Logan go to pick out a Christmas tree while the rest of the family sits for their annual portrait.  In the process, Avery accidentally ingests some of youngest brother Callum’s (Jake Brennan) tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) gummies hidden in the pocket of the coat she borrows.  As such, she is high when she is asked to give a reading later at Mass, turning it instead into congregational karaoke to the tune of “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang.  Erica is mortified, but she is dulled by the priest’s (Kurt Yue) thankfulness over getting the children excited about church.  There is a lot to unpack with that sequence, so standby.  While this proves a dud in getting Erica’s sympathies, Avery is more successful when she blames the beloved family dog for eating the cookies Avery consumed while in the throes of the munchies.  Believing the pooch to have ingested chocolate, Avery goes with Eric to the veterinarian to administer care.  Instead of facing the extreme treatment, Avery volunteers to stay in the room and gets the technician to pretend there is a problem.  For Avery, though, there is a bigger problem in the form of Sophie (Ash Santos).  She is the daughter of Margaret (Judy Reyes) and Stan (Tim Meadows), who have been friends of Cameron’s family for years.  There is clearly something romantic going on between Cameron and Sophie.  As such, Avery is glad to have Logan for company as she is called upon to check on her father’s house one evening.  It is when they get back that things go from complicated to nigh on intolerable.  Up late doing work, Logan sees Cameron attempt to sneak in, and promises to keep his silent about Cameron’s infraction.  Then there is Callum, who overhears Avery and Logan talking about their past relationship, and who they now have to bribe into silence.  Also, during a lull in the Christmas Eve dinner, Logan catches Margaret and Paul (Brian Unger), Erica’s husband, kissing in a closet.  Next, Cassie secretly invites Logan’s mother, Cheryl (Bobbie Eakes) and grandmother, Ida (Melinda Tanner), for the family celebrations.  Finally, Erica is convinced that Logan is about to propose to Cassie.  When this does not happen, everyone airs their secrets about one another, and the party ends with anger.  Some weeks go by and Mitchell offers her daughter his house.  She also gets Erica to turn over Logan’s proposal to Stan, thus gaining his thankfulness.  With this, Logan gets a second chance to sweep off her feet.  A year passes and we witness them living together happily ever after.

What I am happier to talk about regarding Our Little Secret is the stated Catholic angle in it.  Although the word “Catholic” is not used, I can think of no other Christian sect that refers to its services as Mass.  From here, sadly, we venture further from what the Church would proscribe for most of what you see, despite there being a Crucifx on the wall of Erica’s home.  What was funny is the priest accusing her family of being only occasional parishioners.  Unfortunately, this typifies the majority of Catholics, though I doubt you would get a priest to point out a lack of Mass attendance so specifically in public.  Still, I would not be surprised if they had these thoughts.  This exchange takes place after Mass. What happens during it is a greater departure from Church teaching.  The first thing that comes to mind is what this Mass is supposed to represent.  It is not Midnight or Christmas Day Mass.  One could be misled by the fact that the priest is wearing the white vestments, which is the proper liturgical color for Christmas, Easter, and any other Holy Day.  Yet, if this is a couple of days before the important one, they should have on purple robes because that is still Advent.  Another feature in the placement of the lectern in the center of the Sanctuary.  I am not sure why this is done other than for aesthetics because the proper ones are on either side of it.  The fact that there is a choir directly behind the lectern is also not great.  Again, chalk this one up to the desire of the director for a good shot because no Catholic Church would do this anywhere near the Altar.  Speaking of which, I could not locate the Tabernacle.  This is the shiny container you see in Catholic churches that houses the Body of Jesus.  Without this, even if you have all the other elements, you do not have a Catholic Church, even if the movie does call it St. Michael’s.  It is seldom that any film gets these details right, but one could least hope to find it in this kind of production.

Our Little Secret is the kind of Christmas production you have already seen.  There is nothing morally objectionable about it, it is just unoriginal.