Christmas, sadly, has some of my most tearful memories for me.  My mother never wanted to be in Florida during this time of the year, and so always insisted on us using what little money we had to fly to Chicago for the Holidays.  There were usually only enough funds to send me, my sister, and my mom north, leaving my dad behind.  One of the more painful recollections of my adolescent years is sitting in the plane looking out the window back at the gate, and seeing my dad with his head against the window watching us push away.  This was before September 11^th, 2001, when you could see your loved ones right up to where they boarded.  Because of that and other irregularities, there was often a lot of fighting in the days around Christmas.  There was even a time or too that I spent the day by myself.  This year will mark my 44^thChristmas, and not all of them have been bad.  Yet, when I see Surviving Christmas (2004), it draws my mind back to the not so good ones in a number of ways that I will now explain.

The first way that Surviving Christmas is personally haunting is that it is set in the Chicago area, the land of my birth.  It is here that Drew Latham (Ben Affleck), wealthy owner of what I believe is an advertising agency, lives.  He is good at his job, but he is also clearly spoiled.  Hence, when he gives his girlfriend, Missy Vanglider (Jennifer Morrison), tickets to Fiji to spend Christmas in the South Pacific, he is surprised by her angry reaction.  For her, the Holidays are for being with family, and his lack of desire to be with his or her parents to her means that he is not serious about their relationship.  For the first time in a while, apparently, the prospect of being alone on Christmas has an emotional impact on him after she leaves.  The next day at work, after having his assistant send Missy a present to apologize, he takes the rest of the day calling everyone in his list of contacts to see if they will let him stay with them for the Holidays.  Nobody opens their door to him.  Following an evening in front of the television with a microwavable meal, he decides he will not be by himself this year.  In the morning, he takes a cab to the suburb in which he grew up and stops in front of his childhood home.  The current occupants, the Valcos, watch as a stranger kneels in front of their house and looks to be trying to burn it down.  He is doing this on the advice of Missy’s therapist, Dr. Freeman (Stephen Root), who Drew had tracked down as he is heading out of town.  To deal with his apparent grief, Dr. Freeman hurriedly advises Drew to go where he grew up and forgive the pain he endured there by lighting the object of that pain, written on a piece of paper, on fire.  Tom Valco (James Gandolfini), the patriarch of the house, interprets this as attempted arson and hits Drew over the head with a snow shovel.  When Drew revives, he takes an intrusive tour before being hurriedly ushered out the door.  Once stepping outside, Drew comes up with an even crazier idea: he offers Tom $250,000 to be a part of the Valco family during the Holidays.  Tom immediately puts a smile on his face and welcomes Drew back inside.  In near record time, the next day Drew’s lawyer draws up a contract for the Valcos that amounts to Drew renting them for Christmas.  It also means that in order to obtain the prize, they have to do what he says.  He is determined to have as stereotypical a Christmas as possible, while the Valcos clearly have issues.  Tom and his wife, Christine Valco (Catherine O’Hara), are on the verge of separating.  To avoid any tension, their son, Brian Valco (Josh Zuckerman), spends most of his time in his room looking up inappropriate content on the internet.  It is the Valcos grown up daughter, Alicia Valco (Christina Applegate), who almost ruins everything when she shows up unexpectedly, not knowing this stranger in her family’s home.  After some initial trepidation, Drew comes up with the idea of treating her as a foreign servant in order to fit with his dream scenario.  He also hires a local actor, Saul (Bill Macy), to play their grandfather, who he refers to as “Doo-Dah.”  Despite all Drew’s impositions, his enthusiasm begins to have an effect on the Valcos.  Of course, the money he is willing to spend on them helps.  He gives Christine a private photo shoot to make her feel sexy, and he purchases Tom a muscle car like the one in which he had first met Christine.  Even Alicia is won over by Drew, first by almost dying together while sledding, then sharing some alone time as they recover from sniffles caught while out on the toboggans.  He also does a romantic gesture for her by recreating a scene she had described from her childhood, but he ruins it by trying to make it flashy.  It is when they return to the Valcos that things start to unravel.  The first development is the arrival of Missy with her parents, who had seen her get the diamond bracelet from Cartier that Drew’s assistant bought for her.  Next, Brian finds the photographs of his mother online, which causes a stir when they all go up to his room to see why he has yet to join the party.  Then there is Alicia, who catches Drew kissing Missy, and behaves passive aggressive for the rest of the night.  Once everyone angrily departs, including Tom because of the pictures of Christine, Drew tells Alicia about his past.  He had spent every Christmas while growing up with his mother in the diner in which she worked because it meant she could make more money.  He then goes back to his home, but is soon found there by Tom, who has come to collect.  As he writes out the check, they realize they had a better time together than they would admit.  With that, they go to Saul’s play and find the family all waiting for them.  This includes Alicia and Drew making amends.

There is a lot about Surviving Christmas that does not make sense, including the relationship between Alicia and Drew. The Valcos deserve some credit, especially Alicia, for putting up with such a rude interloper for so long, but his behavior stretches the limits of Christian charity.  It is all well and good to be generous to people we meet, but the Church and Scripture also say that it is okay to say no in certain moments.  What worries me about the story is that Drew is being reward for what is undeniably sinful behavior.  He can be pitied to a certain degree for his rough childhood.  Yet, I am not sure why he is so reticent to talk about it.  Us Catholics are often hesitant to discuss our sins because, as humans, we tend to try to present to the world what is sometimes referred to these days as the “best versions of ourselves.”  The fact that Drew is not open about his painful past is a form of lying.  It is a common refrain in many of my reviews, particularly when a comedy goes awry, that we should not tell lies.  It is a hard thing to say because so much of what is supposed to be funny these days involves not telling the truth.  If this was played straight, it would be a much different movie.  Yet, it was not, and it is a violation of the ninth commandment, “Thou shall not bear false witness.”  So far, so obvious, but what I would draw your attention to is the freedom Drew feels after he finally opens up about his background.  Any time we sin, we run the risk of becoming a slave to whatever aberrant behavior we have performed.  This is certainly on display in the movie as Drew becomes maniacal about maintaining the façade, particularly when Missy arrives with her parents.  In this case, like Confession, the truth literally sets you free.

I was certainly relieved to be free of Surviving Christmas.  It was considered a flop at the time it came out, and it has little to redeem it in this day and age.  This is a complete hard pass.