Sometimes, moviemakers overthink titles.  One could make this argument with the Star Wars franchise.  After all, the first to be released in 1977 was Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope.  Note the Roman numeral four.  Most films in a series, if they are group of movies based on a character or an ensemble, begin with part one.  Then there are the somewhat confusing examples, like the follow up to 1997’s I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998).  I guess they did not resolve the plot the first time around?  My guess is that sometimes producers view simple number sequencing as boring.  You tell me what sounds better, I Know What You Did Last Summer 2 or I Still Know What You Did Last Summer?  They are apparently making an as yet untitled sequel to these late 1990s slasher films, and I cannot wait to learn what they are calling it. . . .  Anyway, while one could say the same thing for the third Die Hard installment, Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995), at least the plot involves revenge?

When a bomb goes off in New York City on a hot summer day, you would not say that this is Die Hard with a Vengeance.  Okay, for the victims, that is a hard way to die.  The incident prompts a phone call from the bomber to police department headquarters by a man going by Simon (Jeremy Irons).  In the midst of this chaos, he wants to play a game of “Simon Says,” and his first command is to have them find Lieutenant John McClane (Bruce Willis).  Since this conversation is in a building full of cops, you might think this would be easy.  However, if you know your Die Hard lore, you will remember that John is supposed to be working for the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD).  In other words, he is having trouble with his wife, Holly (not pictured).  Apparently, this has affected his work because he is currently on suspension and dealing with his sorrow with booze.  Once he is found, Simon directs the NYPD to strip John to his underwear, dress him in a placard with a racial slur on it, and drop him off in Harlem.  Before he is murdered by the locals for such brazen behavior, he is saved by the owner of a nearby electronics store, Zeus Carver (Samuel L. Jackson).  Though there is some sense of propriety in Zeus’ actions, he mainly saves John because a dead white man, particularly a cop, attracts a great deal of unwanted attention in the neighborhood.  John and Zeus get away by commandeering a taxi and make their way to the precinct.  While there, another call comes in from Simon.  This time, Simon gives another set of instructions, not only for John, but for his new erstwhile partner, Zeus.  The latter wants nothing to do with the business, but Simon is clear that if the two of them are not present at a phone booth in another location soon, another bomb will detonate.  If you see this movie, get ready for a lot of rushing from place-to-place, trying to beat a given amount of time and figuring out clues along the way.  This first location proves to be a ruse, but they are told to rush to a subway stop near Wall Street in a half hour.  It is a nearly impossible goal, forcing them to split up, with John getting on the underground train with the device and Zeus making it to the station ahead of them.  Though they are able to save some lives, the explosion rips a hole in the ground.  Almost immediately, Simon phones in another threat, saying that there is a larger explosive device in one of the 300 schools in the metropolitan area.  A clue is provided for its location later, but more immediately the police are told that if they evacuate any of the institutions of learning, Simon will prematurely detonate.  As such, the order is given for every available officer to find a school and search it while doing their best to not cause a panic.  As for John and Zeus, they are given their own set of duties involving other bombs.  By now, they have learned that Simon is a man going by Peter Krieg, a soldier of the former East German army, but his real identity is Simon Gruber, brother to Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman).  This last person was John’s nemesis in Die Hard (1988), so now you can see why this is Die Hard with a Vengeance.  Eventually, John figures out that Simon has sent everyone away from the first blast location.  Making their way back there, they find that Simon’s men have tunneled into the New York City Federal Reserve Bank.  Billions of dollars’ worth of gold from countries around the world are stored in their vaults, and Simon has made off with it in dump trucks.  Now the chase is on, with John tailing the construction vehicles into the tunnels of an aqueduct currently being dug while agreeing to meet Zeus at a predetermined location.  Their pursuit brings them to a harbor where Simon has loaded his loot into shipping containers and put aboard a tanker.  John and Zeus manage to get aboard, but in the course of snooping around, John discovers that hold is full of scrap metal.  This revelation comes just before they are captured, with the school bomb being a hoax and the real one set on the boat.  Our two reluctant companions are locked to the bomb’s casing and left to die.  They manage to escape, and they think Simon has, too, until John spots a clue to Simon’s destination on an aspirin bottle given by the villain to the cop.  It takes them to the border with Canada where Simon’s small army is trying to take the gold out of the country in semi-trucks.  There is a final shootout with Simon, this time involving helicopters, but the end result is good guys win and bad guys lose.

A result that sees good triumph as in Die Hard with a Vengeance is always acceptable for a Catholic reviewer.  On the whole, I would say “acceptable” is the best I can say about this installment in the franchise.  Since it does have a different title than the first two, I am going to take this section of my treatment of the movie in what I am guessing will be an unexpected direction.  Besides, being an over-the-top action film, it is difficult to draw serious Catholic themes from it.  Hence, I posit that John’s dedication to being a cop is why celibacy for priests and male and female religious is correct.  During the course of their adventures, the topic of John’s estranged marriage is addressed by Zeus.  While John doubts that he is worth Holly’s time, Zeus advises what any Catholic couple should do: seek reconciliation.  Though she is on the other coast, Zeus points out that all it takes is a phone call.  However, is marriage right for John?  After all, before he can say anything to Holly, he leaves the payphone hanging when he notices the clue on the aspirin bottle.  In other words, his work takes precedent over his wife.  That is not a good formula for a husband and wife, but it is what is needed for somebody who is married to the Church.  Nuns see themselves as the bride of Christ, and priests take as their spouse the Mother Church.  To complete the Sacrament, they wear a wedding band on their ring finger.  I have known people to scoff at this idea.  Modern culture has trouble accepting somebody giving up sex for anyone’s sake, or physical intimacy, for any reason.  Because, sadly, society appears to be increasingly tilted towards atheism, doing so for God is even less of viable option.  Yet, could John do what he does if he had to also worry about pleasing his wife and family?  He could, I suppose, but it would constitute one extra care for a person who appears careworn beyond belief.  Before God, a husband and wife are one, joined together in the Sacrament of Matrimony.  Thus, to deny one’s spouse is to deny oneself.  In most cases, we decry those who make the claim that they are married to their jobs, but that does not apply to nuns and priests, or Lieutenant John McClane.

Of course, Die Hard with a Vengeance, like the others in the series, shows that there is little that John has in common with nuns and priests outside of dedication to their work.  I like to think I have the same determination when it comes to writing for The Legionnaire.  It is what I tell myself, anyway, as I watch these turkeys.  It is fair to say that this one has been the best of them that I have seen, but that is not saying much.  I would watch so many other films before this one.