It was a cold day in Chicago, the biggest city in the Land of Lincoln, when I first noticed Seth Grahame-Smith’s historically based novel, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2010).  It was towards the end of Ph.D. studies at Loyola University Chicago, so one could say that I was already practically a historian.  Nonetheless, I had read Grahame-Smith’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2009), and besides, I had come to take the past a little less seriously.  With my enjoyment of his previous work, and its use of history, I eagerly purchased Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  I was disappointed, but I managed to struggle through to the last page that sees our sixteenth president as a member of the blood sucking race standing in the crowd while Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gives his “I have a dream” speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963.  That moment encapsulates the absurdity contained therein.  Nonetheless, they made it into a movie in 2012, which I convinced myself to see in the theater.  All I can remember is that I liked the film more than the book, though I am not sure this is an endorsement.

You might think that this Catholic reviewer would be eager to endorse Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter since the first screen quotes Genesis 17:5, “No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I am making you the father of a multitude of nations.”  As you will see, this is a nice connection to Christianity, but has little to do with the movie.  Instead, we meet a young Abraham Lincoln (Lux Haney-Jardine) on the docks of a river defending an African American boy named Will Johnson (Curtis Harris) from the whip of an overseer.  When the weapon is turned on Abraham, his parents, Nancy (Robin McLeavy) and Thomas Lincoln (Joseph Mawle), intervene.  The overseer is punched into the water, and his boss, Jack Barts (Marton Csokos), demands recompense for the trouble.  Thomas refuses, walking away from a baleful Jack.  That night, Jack sneaks into the Lincoln’s cabin and bites Nancy, who dies later that morning.  The aged Abraham (Benjamin Walker) narrates that nine years pass and he is now a grown man seeking vengeance.  The number of drinks with which he fortifies himself for the purpose is noticed by a fellow bar patron, Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper).  Venturing onto those same docks, Abraham finds Jack and manages to put a bullet into his mother’s killer’s skull.  Yet, the act does not kill Jack because he is a vampire.  Surprising Abraham, Jack is mauling Abraham until Henry intervenes.  Abraham wakes up in Henry’s home, and the young man is introduced to the shadowy world of the undead.  Before continuing, it might be useful to know the physical characteristics of these blood suckers since Abraham is being taught at this point.  He has already seen their superhuman strength and speed, as well as the animal-like faces they contort into when they are about to bite.  They can also make themselves invisible, and unlike their cousins in similar tales, sunlight does not seem to affect them.  Further, Henry initiates Abraham into a society of people dedicated to killing vampires.  Their kind have become a problem in the United States, having come over from the beginning, wiping out populations of native peoples and now feeding on the enslaved in the South.  As Abraham completes his training for this new calling, Henry has one last instruction before sending him into the world: do not get attached to anyone.  Abraham settles in Springfield, Illinois, taking a job as a shopkeeper with Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson), who also provides lodging.  At night, Henry sends Abraham vampire targets for the rail splitter (one of Lincoln’s nicknames) to kill with his axe.  During the day, despite the warnings and his better instincts, Abraham courts Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead).  To make himself more worthy of her, he becomes a lawyer and gets involved in politics.  The fact that he is seen around a socialite like Mary, and his success in taking out the undead, begins to bring the notice of the vampire leader, Adam (Rufus Sewell).  As such, the vampires send their minions to capture Abraham’s childhood friend, Will (Anthony Mackie).  The move is bait to bring Abraham south to Adam’s plantation, and spring a trap.  Abraham is accompanied by Joshua, but it is Abraham that does most of the fighting.  With Abraham pinned to the floor, Adam offers for the hunter to join their side and help their kind become the rightful rulers of the country.  Abraham refuses and is saved by Joshua, but it proves that the struggle is bigger than Henry had ever told him.  Abraham receives a further revelation when he encounters Henry in an alleyway, feeding on somebody soliciting a prostitute.  In other words, Henry is a vampire, and he had been using Abraham as a pawn in this larger war.  With this, Abraham gives up his hunting days and pursues politics, seeing it as an avenue to greater change.  As you might already know, he goes on to become president and the Civil War commences.  Despite having separated from Henry, the one-time ally drops in after a vampire assassin named Vadoma (Erin Wasson) murders the Lincolns’ beloved son, William Wallace “Willy” Lincoln (Cameron M. Brown).  In the wake of the boy’s death, Henry urges a different policy, but Abraham presses forward with the Emancipation Proclamation.  Laughably (historically speaking), it all comes down to the battle of Gettysburg, where the Confederacy is using vampires as soldiers.  To stop the menace, Abraham comes up with the idea of forging silver bullets.  He then sets a trap for Adam and his minions on the train to Gettysburg, while the ammunition is transported to the battlefield via the Underground Railroad.  Abraham is successful, and we close with Henry trying to convince the president to join him in immortality before Abraham departs with Mary to the theater.

What I have described to you in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a story that uses historical events as a backdrop for fiction.  A moment ago, I labeled this as laughable because, if you have roughly a fourth-grade knowledge of these events, you will find their rendering here to be silly, and that is without considering the monsters.  That is not the only reason I am annoyed by it.  There is a Christian context to all this that is tantalizing for a Catholic reviewer, but is ultimately ignored.  It goes beyond the Scripture quoted at the onset.  The explanation given for why silver is toxic for vampires is because it was the metal by which Judas betrayed Jesus.  Put differently, the film derives its sense of good and evil from Christianity.  It is good to be on the side of God, and the blood suckers are on the opposite side.  Having said this, what do we do, then, with Henry.  He is shown to have become one of those pointy toothed fellows against his will, Adam having turned him and then killing Henry’s wife.  Thus, Henry’s quest is about revenge, even though he had explicitly instructed Abraham that vengeance has no part in hunting.  Instead, their mission is for the good of all mankind, which is noble and also in keeping with Christian principles.  At the same time, it is in this aspect that the film falls apart, forgetting, of course, the history.  We are told that vampires are a threat to society, having all but taken over the South, but there is little that we see to demonstrate this is happening.  There is one scene featuring a room full of these creatures feeding on slaves, and this is supposed to represent the entirety of this section of the country at that time.  Even so, I can get why Abraham would want to stay on the side of angels and keep fighting in his way.  The real Lincoln certainly saw his work in this manner.

Perhaps it is because of this one parallel with history, tenuous though it may be, that I found the film version of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter better than the book.  It is also because in the movie we do not see Lincoln become a vampire.  Anyway, there is no reason to watch it.  It is bloody, there is some nudity in it, and it will not help your knowledge of history.  Pass on all fronts.