There is a film franchise that I have never gotten into, and remains somewhat on the fringes of popular culture.  It begins with Clerks (1994), which was written and directed by Kevin Smith.  It is what one would call a “cult classic,” though I find that term nebulous.  If you are in the so-called cult, do you refer to yourself in this way?  If not, then who cares?  At any rate, even if you are unfamiliar with that title, you might be more likely to know about the two recurring characters appearing throughout these loosely connected movies: Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith).  I have seen some of these entries, but never felt compelled by any of them to warrant any devotion on my part.  Hence, I feel no regret in giving you the second of these installments, Mallrats (1995), even if it is out of order.  I picked it because the title could be used to described an aspect of my youth.  Watching it as an adult and practicing Catholic, I see it differently.

One of the main Mallrats, T.S. Quint (Jeremy London), thinks his rendezvous with his girlfriend, Brandi Svenning (Claire Forlani), is going to go differently.  They are set to travel by car to Florida, their first trip away from their parents.  During it, we later learn, T.S. plans to propose to Brandi.  As he tries to hurry her into the car, he is confused as to why she is not prepared with her luggage when he arrives.  The news that she must appear on her father’s dating show because the original contestant suddenly died frustrates him beyond all reason.  By the way, I do not know how else to describe this premise.  Jared Svenning (Michael Rooker), Brandi’s father, is a television producer, and he needs a substitute lady.  T.S. takes this as her not being able to stand up to dad, and his brusqueness causes her to break up with him.  T.S. is not the only experiencing girl trouble.  His best friend, Brodie Bruce (Jason Lee), is in bed with his girlfriend, Rene Mosier (Shannen Doherty).  It is clear, though, that Rene is not happy with their situation.  In the time they have been together, she has never met his mother (not pictured) even though he lives in the house in which he grew up.  Furthermore, whenever she comes over, she has to do so without being seen.  Finally, he is usually more absorbed in comic books and video games.  With all this, she departs, leaving him a letter talking about why she believes they should no longer date.  Not long thereafter, T.S. comes over to Brodie’s place, and they discuss their shared troubles.  It is Brodie that comes up with the idea of going to a place where they can ease their grief.  Sadly, it is not church, but the mall.  He even adds that he is all about consumer therapy.  Once they get to this location, the film becomes about two things: Brodie pretending that he does not want to get back with Rene, and T.S. doing practically nothing else but pining for Brandi.  It helps that both these women also go to the mall, meaning that throughout their wanderings, there are moments when our pair of would-be couples run into each other.  Honestly, there is not much more to say.  Initially, T.S. thinks the show is the reason for his problems, and he enlists the help of his friends, Jay and Silent Bob, in order to destroy the soundstage being set up in the mall where the shooting is to take place.  As this is supposed to be a comedy, Jay and Silent Bob fail in their given task.  For Brodie, his main nemesis is Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck), the young manager of a men’s clothing store who has a thing for Rene.  Rene and Shannon spend a lot of time together, and he despises Brodie, beating up the ex-boyfriend at one point.  Despite them also doing naughty things in the biggest elevator in the world, Rene reminds Brodie of all his failings as a man, things that Shannon supposedly is not.  Between the run-ins with Shannon, and T.S. invading Jared’s set, the mall security guards are eventually called upon to chase away our two protagonists.  Because this is the kind of movie that it is, they seek advice in the most unconventional of places: a topless psychic named Miss Ivannah (Priscilla Barnes).  I will not describe this any further, but in any case it gives Brodie and T.S. the encouragement they need to win back their lost loves.  It involves getting onto the television show, sneaking backstage and knocking out two of the contestants.  It does not take long for Brandi to figure out the “Contestant 1” is T.S., and they air their grievances during the taping.  With the kind of support only Brodie can provide, T.S. manages to woo Brandi, proposing when they are still out of sight from one another.  She accepts and runs into his arms.  As for Brodie, Rene had been in the audience while they are on stage, and is impressed with what he does for T.S.  After taking care of Shannon with an inappropriate videotape, he promises to invite her to dinner so that she can meet his mom.  We close with a possible future for the two couples.  Brandi and T.S. get married in front of the Jaws ride at Universal Studios Orlando, and Brodie becomes the host of The Tonight Show with Rene as his drummer and band leader.

These fanciful endings of Mallrats are the most imaginative part of what is otherwise a dull movie.  Then again, the title says it all.  When you are young like I was, growing up in the 1990s, there was not much else to do than to walk around the mall.  Sadly, the last thing I would have thought of doing was to spend time in prayer, which is a much larger part of my days now.  Because there is not much going on in the film, this is why there are two additional characters, Tricia Jones (Renée Humphrey) and Gwen Turner (Joey Lauren Adams).  The less said about Tricia, the better.  The same could be said about the equally promiscuous Gwen, though she does give us something of value that I wish to focus on for a moment.  In one scene, she encounters Brandi in a clothing store, and they discuss T.S.  At one time, Gwen and T.S. had been an item.  Further, they had talked earlier.  Two things come up in the conversation between Brandi and Gwen.  First, Gwen mentions how much T.S. has been pining for Brandi throughout the day.  Secondly, Gwen gives a cliché but wise line, that “good guys are few and far between.”  Now, this can be a tricky idea, even in a Christian context.  After all, God made all of us to be good.  Because He also gave us free will, many of us choose to act against our God-given nature.  In an increasingly secularized society, this seems to be what most people go for instead of doing the right thing.  What I am not trying to suggest is that by following God, one is automatically made good.  We are fallen creatures with an inclination towards sin called concupiscence.  This applies to everyone, Christian or otherwise.  After all, God is either our Creator or he does not exist.  I stick with the former, but even I make mistakes.  The good ones, I hope, are the ones that realize when they make them and ask God for forgiveness.  Brodie and T.S. separately have these realizations, sans Faith, which makes the film not a total loss.

Mallrats may not be a total loss, but it comes awfully close.  I do not want to say it is pointless because the point is for Brodie and T.S. to win the hearts of the women they love.  The problem is that so much of what happens on the way from point A to point B does little to advance the plot.  Further, there is needless nudity and other objectionable material.  In short, none of this makes me want to see the other films in the franchise, though I imagine I will get around to them some day.  Sigh.