You have already seen Jurassic World Rebirth.  It is the seventh film in a franchise about these ancient birds or lizards or monsters, or whatever you want to call them, being genetically engineered to exist in our modern world.  Therein lies my first criticism because, as a Catholic, experimentation on genes is problematic.  I felt vindicated in this regard when one of the characters all but literally says that one should not mess with genetics.  For the characters in the film, this is little consolation as they spend more time than anyone should in running away from the results of such tampering.  It would be nice if there was a Catholic at the end of their journey to be there to remark, “I told you so.”  That is being mean spirited, but I am afraid that this will be the tone for stretches in this review.  I started this with a statement that could be construed in this manner because there is little about it that is new.  Hence, I found it boring, and the parts where it attempts character development just slowed it down to a greater degree.  My apologies if that does not get you excited for the rest of this article.

Frantic apologies are offered from one scientist to another at the beginning of Jurassic World Rebirth as one of their number is left behind the large door of an enclosure.  It is seventeen years ago, and thirty-five since Earth was reintroduced dinosaurs, and an InGen laboratory has been doing those already discussed genetic experiments.  One of them must not have paid attention in science class when they talked about not introducing containments into controlled environments because his Snickers wrapper causes a malfunction and allows their cross bred, six-legged tyrannosaur, dubbed a D-Rex, to get loose.  We then jump ahead to modern times and the dinosaurs that had spread out across the planet are beginning to die.  As one of these dying creatures stumbles in front of him, ParkerGenix, a pharmaceutical company, has hired Martin Krebs (Rupert Friend), to find a way to do something many believe impossible.  What they need are samples of dinosaur blood in order to complete a revolutionary new drug that will stop heart disease before it starts.  Because of course it does, it has to be fresh, and the only remaining source of these animals are close to the equator on remote islands that are under interdict by all nations of the world.  To pull off such a feat, Martin approaches Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson), an ex-military turned mercenary gun for hire with a reputation for being able to accomplish the impossible.  She admits to being on the downside of her career and cites the illegality and unethical nature of Martin’s proposal.  His monetary offer changes her mind.  Next, they recruit Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey), a paleontologist whose profession is becoming moot but who can identify the needed species.  Yes, in order to do what needs to be done, they must extract material from three different varieties dwelling separately in the air, land, and sea.  They also need to get to the island from the first scene, their targeted destination, by sea.  To do so, Duncan Kincaid (Mahershala Ali), a longtime associate of Zora’s, is brought on, if for no other reason than he has the required boat. Speaking of boats, Reuben Delgado (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo) is out in the Atlantic sailing across the ocean with his daughters.  The eldest of his offspring, Teresa Delgado (Luna Blaise), has brought her seemingly useless boyfriend, Xavier Dobbs (David Iacono).  I describe him as such because, instead of taking the wheel when it is his turn, he elects to take another nap.  He is in bed when their vessel is attacked by a Mosasaurus and they are capsized.  Their distress signal is heard by Duncan’s crew, and they circle back to assist against Martin’s wishes.  Still, Martin’s desire for them to stick to their mission is rewarded when the monster that assailed the Delgoados turns out to be the first specimen they seek.  The joy they feel in being rescued is quickly turned to horror when they realize they have been picked up by a group of people intent on continuing towards more of these dangerous animals.  Those fears are soon realized when they are mauled once more by the seagoing dinosaurs, causing them to shipwreck.  In the process, the Delgados and Xavier are separated from the others.  Fortunately, they had been told that there is a village on the island, so they follow the geothermal pipes to the hoped-for civilization while also dodging a full range of prehistoric beasts.  As for Duncan, Dr. Loomis, Martin, and Zora (as well as a few extra dinosaur bait bodies), they collect their specimens through a separate set of harrowing adventures.  They, too, are headed towards the so-called village, which is actually the deserted buildings from the lab seen at the beginning.  Zora has arranged for a helicopter to pick them up there as a contingency but, predictably, it all goes wrong.  The D-Rex gets a hold of the chopper, forcing everyone left alive into the sewage tunnels beneath the complex.  This proves little safer than above ground as they are chased by a part raptor, part pterodactyl creature.  Their goal is a boat on the coast, but their path is blocked by the D-Rex.  Luckily, Martin, who has left everyone behind with the samples in a bid to get away on his own, distracts the D-Rex enough to get eaten and drop the case with the blood vials.  This gets the survivors onto the boat, but Duncan must make himself into potential prey to allow them to get away.  Luckily, he manages to stay alive, and he is subsequently saved.  We end with those left heading out into the ocean.

As their twenty-foot-long speedboat cuts through the Atlantic Ocean at the end of Jurassic World Rebirth, I was left with a lot of questions.  For example, would not the dinosaurs they confronted on the way into the island be there again?  How are they going to survive in the open sea in such a vessel?  How did Duncan not get eaten?  Those are more discreet flaws.  A bigger one would be why they needed to go to the island in the first place?  I know it is established that the dinosaurs that once roamed freely are dying out, yet there is one right there in New York City that has not quite expired.  Why not stick a needle in that one and get what you need, thus saving some trouble?  These constitute plot holes, which, when it comes to film criticism, are often the lowest hanging fruit.  As such, I often try to go in a different direction.  Then again, not much higher than the plot hole fruit would be pacing issues.  As a Catholic, I appreciate the humanizing of characters.  In that same context, I also like it when they mention the unethical nature of just randomly killing, including dinosaurs.  It is a pro-life message, even if not meant in this manner, and I am here for it.  The problem is that these developments take place during forced lulls in the action.  For instance, as they are traveling to the island, Duncan and Zora reminisce about their careers as mercenaries and their recent life events.  Duncan and his wife had lost a son, and Zora’s partner and potential romantic interest had died.  We see none of these occurrences, but they are put there for two reasons.  First, these moments make you care about them, and secondly they explain why they might care about the other characters.  Unfortunately, unlike what the Church teaches, our heroes and heroines must have a reason to empathize with their fellow man.

As for those proverbial fellow men, there is somewhat of a more concrete Catholic message in Jurassic World Rebirth.  If you paid attention to Martin’s actions, you might be able to guess where this is going.  Of course, he represents the evil corporations that are trying to profit from making people better.  There is nothing wrong, at least in the eyes of the Church, with selling a product no matter its nature.  The problem comes when you put making money above morals.  This is what makes Martin a villain.  After rescuing the Delgados, Martin attempts to stop Teresa from sending out an SOS because doing so would jeopardize his company’s breakthrough.  Once he has wrenched the radio microphone from her hands, he watches as she falls overboard without lifting a finger to prevent this from happening.  I am sure you will not be surprised to hear that this is not Christian behavior.  What is more in line with Christ is what Dr. Loomis and Zora later settle on for their samples’ fate.  Even though they stand to make millions of dollars from its contents, they decide to give away the lifesaving information for free.  What I am not here to tell you is that one decision is more Christian than the other.  As with so much in life, intentionality is important.  Martin’s motives are clearly and simply personal gain.  He gives lip service in the beginning to the wider benefits of his drug, but he is mainly after money.  Dr. Loomis and Zora wish to do the most good for the most people, and that is Christ like.  All other considerations should be considered secondary.

As I began this review of Jurassic World Rebirth, I considered this movie to be one I have already seen.  There is nothing new in what it contains.  This means the hybrid dinosaurs, too.  What else are they but mutated versions of the same monsters we have looked at throughout the series.  I am also not sure why it has the word “rebirth” in the title.  What is it giving new life to?  Us?  Maybe you will feel refreshed if you fall asleep during it, but I can think of more comfortable places for a nap.