The world is going crazy and is only getting crazier.  Thus, the best cinematic escapes can usually be found on Disney+.  If you have followed The Legionnaire regularly, you may have noted that I typically go for serious fare.  I like to be moved by what I am watching.  Yet, with current events creeping too much into my psyche of late, I wanted something lighter today.  One problem that presents itself when doing such a search is that I have already covered everything of even marginal quality.  This means I have to sort frack for titles.  Because I also enjoy sea adventures, I landed on Jumping Ship (2001), which was a made for television film that premiered on the Disney Channel.  Remember that platform?  Something tells me the Mouse would rather forget about this movie, but I am going to tell you about it anyway.

If you are expecting a movie named Jumping Ship to start at sea, you can forget such a logical assumption.  Roaming the California ranch on which his family lives is Tommy Biggs (Andrew Lawrence).  His father died at some point in the past, leaving just his mother, Jules Biggs (Susan Walters), and their increasingly interested neighbor, Mark Sanders (Todd Worden).  Tommy is not keen on Mark, thinking the guy next door is trying to replace his late dad.  Jules tries to encourage her son to be more open minded, but that is not the only thing she has for him.  She is on the phone with Michael Woods (Joseph Lawrence), Tommy’s older cousin.  Michael had been there for Tommy when the kid’s dad died, but now the twenty-three-year-old is directionless.  Nonetheless, Michael has a big trip planned for him and Tommy, and they are chatting with last-minute details.  As nice of a gesture as this is, Michael’s father, lawyer Glenn Woods (Stephen Burleigh), is not thrilled with his son’s spending of their vast fortune.  Though Glenn is willing to let Michael take Tommy on the trip, when they return, Michael must either find a job or fill a low-ranking position at the law firm.  With the proper assurances, Michael and Tommy depart for Australia.  Once there, they get out of their limousine near the harbor where they are to meet a charter boat they have hired.  Observing their arrival is Jonas (Jaime Passier-Armstrong).  As we soon find out, she works for Frakes (Anthony Wong).  The movie wants you to see him as a pirate, which I suppose is accurate.  After all, he is a thief and he has a boat.  Him, Jonas, and another accomplice, Dante (Martin Dingle-Wall), look for seemingly easy marks like these American tourists, kidnap them, collect the ransom money, and then “feed them to the sharks.”  I guess that last bit connects them to their buccaneer forbears.  At any rate, on their way to the dock, Jonas pickpockets Michael’s wallet.  For the moment, Michael remains oblivious to the theft as they board the wrong yacht for their week-long voyage.  The one they are supposed to be is the Tiffany, a rusted cruiser past its prime captained by Jake Hunter (Matthew Lawrence).  While Michael is several degrees less than thrilled about their accommodations, he is about to get a worse surprise when, as they are headed to sea, he finds that his wallet is missing with all their money and credit cards.  Instead of turning around, Michael promises Jake that the money will be waiting for them at their destination.  Still, Jake demands collateral, choosing Michael’s expensive watch.  Following their progress in their own, newer luxury liner is Frakes and his crew.  Along the way, Jake and Tommy bond over the fact that they miss their fathers, which would make Michael upset if not for the fact that he is suffering from seasickness.  This is supposed to be a comedy, by the way.  The rift between Jake and Michael deepens as they finally notice Frakes’ ship catching up to them.  Though Jake is able to shake the Kodiak boat Frakes launches with Dante and Jonas, Jake knows they will not be able to keep them at bay forever (no pun intended).  Thus, to Michael’s horror, Jake tells Michael and Tommy to do as the title suggests, saying that he will go for help and come back for them.  Unfortunately, once the others are away, Jake is unable to radio for help or outrun their pursuers.  His choice is to scuttle his ship and join them on the island.  Determined to find the crew and passengers of the Tiffany, Frakes searches for days around the islands in the area . . . except the one they had been nearest, apparently.  Meanwhile, the Jake, Michael, and Tommy continue to have their differences, with Michael clinging to the wild notion that he knows best what to do in their situation.  It does not take long after Tommy goes to stay with Jake on the other side of the island before Michael realizes the folly of his ways.  The lesson is driven home further when Michael sets off their one flare in a foolhardy attempt to flag a passing commercial jet.  What it does signal is Frakes and his hench people.  Jake, Michael, and Tommy see them coming and try to launch the raft on which they have been working, but Jonas burns the sail with a flare.  Because Tommy’s life jacket gets stuck on him, he is forced to stay behind as Jake and Michael find shelter in an underwater cave.  From there, they hatch their plan to hoodwink the so-called pirates.  Michael lures Frakes and Jonas deep into the island with the promise of gold, while Jake sneaks and rescues Tommy.  These last two then make it onto Frakes’ boat and knock Dante from it.  Now with transportation, they are able to pick up a fleeing Michael and make good their escape.  Once back in port, Glenn and Jules are waiting for them.  During a celebratory dinner, Michael announces he has invested the reward money he got for turning in Frakes and company to buy the criminal’s ship and give it to Jake for a new charter.  Glenn and everyone else are sufficiently proud of Michael, and the film comes to a merciful end.

I say “merciful end” for the conclusion of Jumping Ship though that is not because of its length.  It is blessedly only an hour and a half long.  The reason I am thankful for its brevity is because it is less about the pirate adventure and being marooned, and more about Jake, Michael, and Tommy sorting through their feelings.  Please do not mistake this for a masculine commentary.  God gave men and women the same emotional capacity, and to suggest that a guy cannot experience the full range of feelings is stereotypical and plainly wrong.  What is jarring about the scenes that have less to do with piracy and survival is that they mark wild shifts in tone.  One moment they are trying to spear fish for food, the next moment Jake is lecturing Michael about being more mature.  I am all for confronting one’s problems.  God calls everyone to healing.  God also knows that there is a time and place for everything.  When one is in a life-or-death situation, there are more pressing matters.  At the same time, this does not mean one should abandon the Faith.  Love of God must come first at every moment, whether you are safely washing your dishes at home or about to be kidnapped on the high seas.  If that sounds crazy, look at the lives of the martyrs.  Where would Christianity be if they had not said yes to God in the face of death.  For us who are less likely to face such dire circumstances, there are plenty of opportunities to follow this example.  Social situations are a big one.  Many will deny God instead of risking not fitting in with a crowd.  All it takes, too, is being Christ-like when met with any kind of challenge.  Jake and Michael learn this, in a roundabout sort of way.

There is nothing roundabout with Jumping Ship: it stinks.  I am not being charitable, but there is little to recommend it.  I am also certain that the Mouse can take such criticism.  They have plenty of other good films for one to escape into when you are in a funk.