When a fellow historian talks about a film, I tend to pay attention.  However, the movie in question is The 13^th Warrior(1999), which I recall seeing in the theater when it premiered.  What I remember about it was thinking that it stunk.  Then again, I was an immature nineteen-year-old who thought he knew everything worth knowing about the past.  In this frame of mind, I felt the idea of somebody born in the 10^th century in Baghdad, modern-day Iraq, and traveling north to Scandinavia was ridiculous.  Despite my subsequent degrees, whenever I scrolled past the title, these feelings of incredulousness always surfaced.  What changed my mind was listening to an episode of the Gone Medieval (2021-present) podcast from History Hit that explored the life of Ibn Fadlan (Antonio Banderas).  Yes, the character that I considered so preposterous actually existed and did . . . something in the same general galaxy as what you see in The 13^thWarrior.  As such, I had to re-watch it, especially after finishing the podcast, in order to see if this changed my opinion.  The proceeding review will tell you that, although I was slightly wrong in my nascent historical assessment, it remains plenty bad in other ways.

Speaking of bad, Ibn Fadlan is having a hard time in his native Baghdad at the beginning of The 13^th Warrior.  He has fallen in love with the wife of an influential nobleman’s wife, and because of the subsequent affair, is banished to the north by the caliph.  As a historical point, this is the first departure from the record of many in the story.  As he travels, he is accompanied by a friend of his father, Melchisidek (Omar Sharif).  Now there is a Biblical name for you, but I digress.  As they journey through the land of the Tatars, their band is nearly attacked by a group of the famed raiders who lived in the area.  As they flee, they come to a river.  Rounding a nearby bend is a Viking ship, which is pulling into a nearby trading post.  That much rings true, anyway.  Ibn Fadlan and Melchisidek stay with the Northmen, who are mourning the death of their king as only they can, with a massive feast.  One of their number, Herger the Joyous (Dennis Storhøi), speaks Latin, as does Melchisidek, so they are able to carry on something of a conversation.  In the morning, a messenger arrives from King Hrothgar (Sven Wollter) of Denmark asking for a set of warriors to come to his assistance.  An oracle is summoned to cast bones and seek divine guidance on the matter.  Her advice is to ask for thirteen volunteers, but one of them must not be a Viking.  I think you can guess the identity of that thirteenth person.  Seemingly without a choice in the matter, Ibn Fadlan departs with the other twelve, going forth on horseback instead of boat for some reason.  Along the way, he surprises the others by learning their language, suddenly speaking it one night around the campfire when he suspects they are again making fun of him.  The others are taken aback by his sudden speech, but they still regard him as extraneous given his apparent lack of skills.  This is another area in which he has to prove himself.  When they finally get to Denmark, traveling by boat on the last leg, their leader, Buliwyf (Vladimir Kulich), inquires as to the problem.  This is when the film gets murky.  They had come north because they had heard tales of monsters who ate the dead.  What they find is a village that is apparently not protecting itself against this threat despite having many able-bodied men and women.  Buliwyf and company are directed to a farmstead outside of town, though where the fields are for said farm I could not tell you since it is in the middle of the woods.  What they find would suggest some supernatural beast, with blood, bodies, and their constituent parts strewn everywhere.  Upon returning to the village, they realize they have to prepare for an attack, which comes that night.  Though they believe they have dispatched a number of these creatures, no evidence is left of their dead.  The encounter makes them realize they need to do more and they manage to throw together some defenses in record time, ringing the settlement with ditches and wooden pikes.  The expected attack comes that night, and it is a bloody one.  During it, Ibn Fadlan removes the bear head dressing from one of his dead assailants and learns they are humans like the rest of us.  The problem is that there are lots of them.  Despite the devastation, Buliwyf decides that those left alive amongst the original thirteen should venture after the horde.  They also consult a nearby witch who tells them how to defeat their enemy.  She directs them to kill the Wendol Mother (Susan Willis), who is their queen(?), but is also magical. . . ?  In any case, she has some power over the Wendol, as these raiders are known.  Buliwyf leads his men to the Wendol encampment, and into the cave where the Wendol mother dwells.  While the others fight outside, he goes into her den and kills her, but not before she stabs him in the arm with a poisoned tooth.  They manage to escape, but it is clear that Buliwyf does not have long to live.  King Hrothgar promises to bury Buliwyf as a king, but they have yet another Wendol foray with which to contend.  Buliwyf goes out in front of the defenses and dies in the defense. Ibn Fadlan and the others honor their leader.  Soon thereafter, with glad tidings from Herger, Ibn Fadlan boards a ship headed south.  We end with him recording his thoughts on his experiences among the Vikings.

It is that written record that provided the barest of bases for The 13^th Warrior.  I cannot stress enough the word “barest” because the only thing the movie and the real Ibn Fadlan’s account of his travels share in common are the author and the fact that he did spend time north of where he was born.  The historical Ibn Fadlan was sent as an emissary to the Volga Bulgars in what is modern day Russia.  Their king had claimed to have converted to Islam and wanted further instruction on the religion.  Because this happened, the cinematic Ibn Fadlan sometimes quotes tenets of Muslim beliefs to Buliwyf.  As a practicing Catholic, you might believe that this would make me uncomfortable.  However, whether by accident or on purpose, the filmmakers decided to put in the one aspect of Middle Eastern monotheistic faiths on which we all agree: there is only one God.  An atheist might read that and think how could this be true for three separate religions?  Speaking from the Catholic perspective, we have always viewed our Faith as an outgrowth of Judaism.  We see Jesus as fulfilling all the Old Testament prophecies regarding the Messiah, who is part of the Holy Trinity.  Islam is not too far from this concept, but they regard Jesus as a prophet instead of the Messiah, who, to them, is still to come.  Mohammad was God’s messenger, and he taught his followers a number of ways to behave.  We see Ibn Fadlan stick to these guidelines, for the most part.  My favorite moment comes before the final battle when he offers a prayer to God for survival.  Us Christians have done the same thing in the same circumstances plenty of times over the centuries.

The fact that we can see parallels between Christianity and Islam in The 13^th Warrior is the nicest thing I can say about the film.  Otherwise, it is a mess of history and storytelling.  Thankfully, it is only an hour and a half, but not even that comparatively small amount of time is worth it.