History is a serious matter.  We need to come to grips with it in order to understand the present.  This informs the many reasons why I like being Catholic.  I am a part of a Faith that traces itself all the way back to Biblical times.  Through those centuries, we have developed traditions that are meant to enrich the worship of God.  At the same time, the past can be taken too seriously.  I enjoy making jokes using history, and movies that do the same thing.  This is what is going on in today’s film, The Princess and the Pirate (1944).  If you are familiar with Bob Hope’s humor, then you will know what to expect.  Add in a swashbuckling pirate story and I almost need not continue.

Nonetheless, I will continue talking about The Princess and the Pirate as we open with the infamous Captain Barrett (Victor McLaglen), also known as The Hook for obvious anatomical reasons, burying his treasure.  Once he has killed the crewman that drew the map leading to it, he announces to the rest that they are going after another prize that he predicts will make them richer.  Absconding from the royal palace of an unnamed European court is Princess Margaret (Virginia Mayo, singing voice Louanne Hogan).  The Hook aims to kidnap and demand millions in ransom.  Aboard the ship on which she is fleeing is the one-man act Sylvester Crosby (Bob Hope).  He is running away too, but from the angry crowds of people who had seen him perform.  His rehearsing bothers her, but when she goes to his cabin to quiet him, she is somewhat charmed by his cowardly but funny ways.  They are chatting on deck one day when The Hook’s ship catches up with theirs.  Sylvester disgraces himself during the fighting, dressing as a female gypsy and hoping to not be thrown overboard with the rest of the men.  Because he makes an ugly woman, the pirates are going to toss him in the water anyway until he is saved by Featherhead (Walter Brennan), one of the buccaneers.  As a name like Featherhead suggests, he is not mentally stable.  All the same, for unknown reasons he takes a liking to Sylvester, even saying that he knew he was not a gypsy woman.  Featherhead also gives Sylvester the treasure map stolen from The Hook, saying that he is tired serving under Captain Barrett.  With that, Featherhead helps Princess Margaret and Sylvester escape, telling them to sail their dinghy to a port called Casarouge.  There they are to meet Featherhead’s cousin, who will reward them for the directions to the riches and they can be on their way to Princess Margaret’s destination in Jamaica.  Miraculously, they make it to Casarouge despite Sylvester throwing away the compass when he learns it only points north.  Yet, Featherhead’s cousin is not at the inn at which they stopped, and might not be back for two weeks.  This means they have to find some way of supporting themselves, and this involves coming up with a gig.  Because of his reputation, Sylvester knows he needs something other than himself.  Because Princess Margaret is beautiful, he knows she will get more money than him, and he says they will split the profits evenly, ninety percent to him and the rest to her.  Do you get the humor yet?  Their opening night is observed by the governor, La Roche (Walter Slezak), who takes a liking to Princess Margaret as she sings.  He also is aware of her identity because he is in league with The Hook.  Thus, La Roche sends his henchmen to kidnap her literally while Sylvester is not looking.  Sylvester immediately calls for the authorities, not realizing the authorities are the ones who committed the crime.  Upon going before La Roche, he ends up being captured himself to await transfer to Princess Margaret’s father, The King (Robert Warwick).  Still, La Roche is amused by Sylvester and provides the actor with a cushy prison and fetching female servants.  Sylvester is able to pull himself together, though, locating Princess Margaret and formulating a plan of escape.  Unfortunately, this is when The Hook arrives at the governor’s mansion, complicating the situation because he recognizes Sylvester.  Not only had the performer disrupted the ransom scheme with Princess Margaret, The Hook suspects Sylvester has the treasure map.  Sylvester wants to get rid of it, but Featherhead has accompanied The Hook.  When Sylvester confides his fears to Featherhead, the crazy corsair knocks out Sylvester and tattoos the map unto song-and-dance man’s chest.  This is eventually noticed by La Roche and The Hook, who chase after Sylvester.  Sylvester manages to subdue The Hook with some help from Princess Margaret and takes the pirates clothes.  With a fake beard, Sylvester tries to pass himself off as The Hook, which is partially successful since the rest of the crew take this moment to attack the mansion and believe Sylvester is their captain.  Princess Margaret and Sylvester make it onto The Hook’s ship, hoping to make an escape.  However, Captain Barrett catches up with them and soon stymies the confusion over contradictory orders.  What saves them in the end is the appearance of The King’s own man-of-war.  Sylvester believes he is about to become important in the eyes of royalty when Princess Margaret confesses her love for him in front of her father.  Her true love is on the boat, but it is not Sylvester.  Instead, she runs to the arms of an apparent commoner (Bing Crosby), much to Sylvester’s chagrin.

The fact that it is Crosby who Princess Margaret kisses at the end of The Princess and the Pirate is funny because he and Hope had starred together in the Road to . . . series, all of which have been reviewed on The Legionnaire.  Sylvester makes a number of jokes about the famous crooner throughout the film, and the character’s last name is also supposed to be a gag.  Indeed, there is a lot of humor in the movie, which often leads to a tricky Catholic analysis.  It might be making a lot out of a little, but I would push back on the notion that Sylvester is a coward.  Obviously, he is not brave when it comes to combat, and he has an eighteenth-century flintlock pistol that unfurls a “BANG!” flag when the trigger is pulled.  Still, he goes after Princess Margaret whenever she is in trouble.  We typically think of martial matters when we contemplate bravery and cowardice.  Faith, on the other hand, has a number of varieties.  It is difficult to imagine Sylvester being willing to face a martyr’s death, but that is one that involves going to one’s death in a non-combative fashion.  A martyr goes to their demise knowingly, which takes a bravery that could only be borne of Divine intervention.  Martyrdom can also extend to situations that do not involve loss of life.  Standing up for God in moments that could lead to friends turning away or some other form of social disapprobation also qualifies.  Does this apply to Sylvester?  Maybe, if you squint hard.  Again, his life is never in danger, at least not intentionally.  However, he is willing to risk something for another, which is worth a little.

Seeing The Princess and the Pirate is also worth a little.  While watching it, I kept comparing it to the Pirates of the Caribbean series, which is supposed be funny.  I will take The Princess and the Pirate over those films every time.