There is a euphemism popular in England for two people giving each other a hard time called “taking the piss.”  They have a lot of such sayings that we do not use in the United States, but this one has always been strange to me.  It is not that I do not understand its meaning, it just sounds gross.  What is arguably more bizarre is the fact that it is not intended in a mean-spirited manner.  You could safely assume that when you are “taking the piss,” it does not mean friendly, if insulting, banter.  Put differently, it is passive aggressive as only the English can do.  I would be lying if I said my friends and I have not engaged in such behavior.  No matter who is doing it, it is less than Christian behavior.  Further, the older I have gotten and the more I have grown in my Faith, the more seeing people go at one another in this manner makes me uncomfortable.  Unless it is absolutely clear that the sniping is in a jovial spirit, it just makes me wish people could get along.  What I have just described is also my general reaction to The Roses, which becomes increasingly difficult to bear as it progresses.

Though The Roses appear to be having difficulty since they are seeing Janice (Belinda Bromilow), a marriage counselor, Ivy (Olivia Colman) and Theo Rose (Benedict Cumberbatch) start by reminiscing about how they met.  A little over thirteen years previously, he was a frustrated architect being bored at lunch with his colleagues, and she is a sous chef about to move to America to pursue her dreams of running her own kitchen.  They encounter each other initially in the kitchen where he retreats from his co-workers, and within a few minutes they are having sex in the walk-in refrigerator. Not the ideal introduction for this Catholic, but at least he makes an honest woman of her, marrying her and moving with her across the Atlantic.  Ten years pass and they have settled into a stable life.  She did not quite become the success she had hoped for, but his work as an architect has made them comfortable.  With things going well, he reveals a surprise for her.  While at the beach with their twin children, Hattie (Delaney Quinn) and Roy (Ollie Robinson), Theo shows Ivy a restaurant front that he is buying for his wife.  For the moment, business for Ivy is slow, but the opposite is true for Theo. He is in the process of completing a museum project with a widely acclaimed design.  Then comes the storm.  The night of the museum’s opening a freak but strong tempest destroys the building, mainly because of the sails he had put on top.  At the same time, traffic is diverted towards Ivy’s restaurant, one of the cars being driven by a local food critic.  With his career falling apart, the glowing review makes hers.  Suddenly, the once sleepy eatery is booked for months, and her name is on the lips of hungry customers and foodies alike.  What it means for the eponymous family is that Ivy and Theo’s roles are reversed.  Initially, it is with his blessing, telling her to go for it while he stays home with the children.  While they are happy with the alteration, it also puts the twins more under his influence.  This means they become fitness fanatics like Theo, and they shun the deserts Ivy used to slip Hattie and Roy.  As Ivy’s culinary skills become increasingly in demand, opening other franchises around the country, the rest of the family becomes more distant.  Three years pass, and family and friends begin to notice a rift developing between Ivy and Theo, including the now teenaged twins (Hala Finley and Wells Rappaport).  To Ivy and Theo’s credit, they recognize that things are not as happy as they once were, but they deny that they have any problems.  They assume that their spiky banter is just what they have always done.  In the wake of a particularly bad spat, they decide to take a trip without the kids to New York.  However, on the flight there, Theo proceeds to get drunk and is too hungover upon arrival to go out with Ivy.  In turn, Ivy goes to a cooking event and overconsumes, returning to the hotel inebriated and making rude comments.  Their return flight is tense.  In order to hopefully improve the dynamic, Ivy takes Theo to a rocky outcrop on the coast upon which she wants him to design and build their dream home.  In addition to being a peace offering, she is thinking that it could be a way of rebuilding his reputation as an architect.  As construction gets underway, his design features become increasingly expensive despite her warning that they are not as well off is he thinks.  He ignores her, and she throws herself into her work.  Thus, by the time the home is ready, instead of marital bliss with the twins off to a sports camp, Ivy and Theo are no longer hiding their disdain for one another.  This carries over into the housewarming party they have with their friends, where it is apparent that taking the piss is more a sign that they are pissed off at each other.  Their soiree ends with cake being thrown at their guests by Ivy.  Over the next couple of days, she feels bad about her behavior, but he realizes that he no longer wants to be with her.  Divorce proceedings are commenced soon thereafter.  Despite both wanting to get it over with, what is holding the process up is the house.  Each want the home they built.  So desperate are they to get it that they resort to increasingly nasty, then violent forms of intimidation to get the other to sign it away.  The final act comes when he tries to inflict an allergic shock, withholding the epinephrine pen (epipen) until she affixes her signature.  Upon recovering she finds a gun and starts shooting at him.  Before they kill each other, they realize how much love they share despite the past few years.

Prior to cooler heads prevailing among The Roses, the eruption of violence had resulted in a gas leak in the kitchen.  Once they are reconciled, they lie on the bed for some make up romance, Theo calling to their home’s automated system to start a fire.  The implication is that this causes an explosion, but we do not know Ivy and Theo’s fate because the end credits roll before we see them meet a fiery death.  As a Catholic, I do not like open-ended conclusions.  It is an ambiguity that I would posit is not in God.  Some might quibble with this assertion, saying that it is difficult to discern God’s will for any decision we make in life.  I agree that it can be difficult, but my counter is that it also takes patience.  Such ambiguity can also be construed as misleading.  This is another criticism I have of the movie based on the expectations from the trailers.  This is not something I typically like to harp on because it is usually a small matter, but the previews set up a false assumption of a married couple constantly at each other’s throats.  On the contrary, I was surprised by how conciliatory they are to each for three-quarters of the film.  Indeed, even though they use language that could be interpreted as mean-spirited, they are consistently aware of when their incisive words go too far.  There is none of this behavior in the trailers. Hence, I was almost prepared to say that they treat each other in a Christian manner, far different than what I thought I was getting into before entering the theater.

To reiterate, what I thought I was getting into with The Roses was nearly two hours of the kind of banter featured in the previews.  To this end, there is an interesting line towards the end when Ivy and Theo are realizing they have taken things too far, when one of them comments how good they are with words except for the ones we need.  There is an art to saying the right thing at the right time, something I have studied as a spiritual director.  When one hears of such a title, the assumption is that a spiritual director essentially tells the person they are directing what to do with their prayer life. Having done it for a few years, I can say there is some of that with spiritual direction, but it is more about listening.  There is a saying in Christianity that when interacting with others, you should speak the truth in love.  This is something Ivy and Theo do, but only after using the snarky words and realizing how not nice they are to one another.  What they are not doing is what us spiritual directors are trained to do: listen.  Both have needs that they are indicating to their spouse but they are being ignored.  Like with spiritual direction, giving a loved one your full attention and not interrupting before they are finished is the best chance of offering that person a Christ-like response.  Finally, we are taught to repeat back what we are hearing, not making snarky comments, but allowing the other to respond in kind.  This is how one has a relationship, whether you are describing one with God, a friend, or a spouse.

Actually, I am kind of glad that these spouses in The Roses were not as at each other’s throats as the trailers led me to believe.  Also, as I have said before, I wish that there had been a resolution at the end.  I like happy endings, and this would have sweetened my recommendation.  Otherwise, it is a lukewarm one.