When it comes to remakes, always first watch the original.  However, I did not do that with The Longest Yard (2005).  The newer version is currently on Netflix, along with seemingly every other Adam Sandler film.  It would also be great if I could make it through every one of his movies so I can watch other people’s work.  Still, I am bordering on being uncharitable.  If I may be more Catholic, I chose today’s entry because it is about the imprisoned.  The Church considers visiting those behind bars to be a corporal act of mercy, even if that person is Sandler.  Through the centuries, much art has been devoted to the apparent hopelessness of those who have had their freedom curtailed because of their deviance.  What such things do, even if today’s example is meant to be a comedy, is to demonstrate what it (laughably) underscores: that criminals are people, too.  By the way, the mirth is supposed to be in the content, not the idea.  What God gives everyone, thus humanizing them, is the opportunity for redemption.

The notion of redemption must feel like The Longest Yard for former star quarterback Paul “Wrecking” Crewe (Adam Sandler).  While his girlfriend, Lena (Courtney Cox), is throwing a party in their spacious Los Angeles mansion, he is getting drunk in their bedroom.  The reason he is a “former star” is because he had been caught shaving points during his career, even if he had ultimately been found innocent.  The move cost him his reputation, and these days he copes by staying inebriated.  Not wanting to put up with Lena’s demands to socialize, he takes her Bentley and an extra six-pack of beers and goes for a drive.  Because she quickly reports her car as stolen, he is soon stopped by the police.  It is clear to the authorities that he has had more than a few drinks, and he leads them on a chase that captures the country’s attention and ends with a public crash with several cop cars.  Lena is not the only person to see the outcome on television.  Also watching is Warden Rudolph Hazen (James Cromwell).  With an upcoming prison sentence to be served, Warden Hazen arranges for Paul to serve time at the middle-of-nowhere Texas correctional facility that the former supervises.  If it is not evident to Paul as to why this is happening, it is to the guards.  Those who watch over the inmates have their own football team of which they are proud, and their quarterback, Captain Brian Knauer (William Fichtner), forcefully discourages the new arrival from interfering.  What changes is when Paul is immediately taken to see Warden Hazen, and the latter insists that the football player helps the guard’s team.  Believing he has no choice, Paul agrees.  Once he is taken to look at the practice, his suggestion is that they arrange for an easy opponent to warm up against before taking on more difficult teams.  Warden Hazen likes this idea, and instructs Paul to put together his own team from the population.  Initially, this looks like it is going to prove difficult because nobody seems to like him.  The only one who lets him sit at a table during mealtime is James “Caretaker” Farrell (Chris Rock).  As they converse, Caretaker gives the stereotypical advice about showing how tough someone is before they are taken advantage of, but using that colorful prison slang.  Sadly, Paul immediately takes the hint and picks a fight, which gives him a week of solitary confinement outside in a tin box.  Once he is released, with Caretaker’s help, Paul begins assembling a team.  This film has several montages, and the first is of their search for players.  They will be described as needed, but the main motivating factor Paul uses to entice them is the opportunity to get even with the guards who often brutalize them.  Naturally, the first few practices are a disaster, but as they learn some semblance of teamwork, it becomes apparent that Paul has virtually no one to whom to throw the ball.  There are a group of convicts who might fill this need, but they remain aloof, led by Deacon Moss (Michael Irvin).  Paul approaches them on the basketball court, offering to play one-on-one against Deacon.  If Paul wins, they play; if he loses, he leaves them alone.  Paul proceeds to take a physical beating from Deacon, but refuses to call a foul.  On the second to last play, Paul takes the ball and seemingly scores the winning point.  Yet, Deacon indicates an infraction, receives possession, and proceeds to win with a thunderous slam dunk.  Though Paul had not been able to get Deacon’s services, Earl Megget (Nelly) offers to be their running back.  His speed and elusiveness are a boost, and the guards begin to take notice.  They are alerted by a spy, fellow inmate Unger (David Patrick Kelly).  Thus, they try to get Earl to pick a fight with the guards while he is putting books away in the library.  The fact that he does not budge convinces Deacon and the rest to join the team.  Since this venture fails, the guards turn to attempting to assassinate Paul.  Unfortunately, the bomb that Unger places in Paul’s cell goes off and kills Caretaker instead.  His death becomes the cause that rallies the convicts to play well in the game.  Despite immediately going out and inflicting as much as pain as possible on the guards, leading to two touchdowns, the score is tied going into halftime.  During the break, Warden Hazen corners Paul, telling the quarterback that unless his team folds, Paul will be held responsible for Caretaker’s passing and spend significantly more time in prison.  As such, in the second half Paul purposely plays poorly, allowing the guards to score three unanswered touchdowns.  It is while looking at wizened prisoner “Skitchy” Rivers (Eddie Bunker), who once punched Warden Hazen, that Paul realizes that some gestures are worth the extra pain.  Thus, he leads them to three scores, the last one scored by coach/back-up running back Nate Scarborough (Burt Reynolds).  With a two-point conversion, the convicts win, much to Warden Hazen’s anger.  The play impresses Captain Knauer, who vows to vouch for Paul, and that is basically where the film ends.

I would call that an incomplete ending to The Longest Yard.  Does Paul get to only serve the three years to which he is sentenced?  Does Captain Knauer speak in support of Paul?  Who knows?  What I am more interested in is the redemption of the main character.  This is something the Church teaches that anyone can receive with a contrite heart.  With true contrition comes acceptance, and we see this when, with the game on the line, he gathers everyone in and admits to them that he had shaved points when he was a professional.  How do I know it is true contrition?  Actually, I do not know for sure.  Yet, if his discussion of how he felt after he had done so is any indication, it does look as if he is sorry for his actions.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church will tell you that in order for the Sacrament of Reconciliation to be effective, you have to go into the confessional with a humble and contrite heart.  This is faith in action.  Otherwise, Christianity is simply cursory and performative.  Without this attitude, you are like Paul is when he first gets to the prison.  He tells anyone that will listen to him that he is just there to do his time.  Does that not describe the majority of us?  Sure, some look for whatever pleasure might fill the emptiness they feel when they do not pursue a relationship with God.  That can lead to some regrettable behaviors that need not be enumerated.  Besides, the movie provides an example with Paul’s arrest at the beginning.  For those who do not act out, they just want to be left alone to go about their days in peace.  This is an understandable and not entirely impeachable position to take.  However, God calls us to greater things.  Therefore, go for that win despite the consequences because it is ultimately not about you, but about being a good person.  A good person benefits others around them instead of saving their own neck.

Of course, it is silly to attribute anything too altruistic to The Longest Yard.  As a Sandler production, it is as nonsensical as the rest of them, even if somewhat muted as compared to some of his previous work.  I do not care for it, but if you like his films, this probably matters little.