What do you get when you combine The Bourne Identity (2002) with Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)?  You get The Bluff.  Please note, that is not a good thing.  I knew I was in trouble from the opening crawl.  Today’s film is set in 1846, but it talks about the Golden Age of Piracy as having just ended.  My wish for these kinds of projects is that they would just get a competent historian on set so that such mistakes can be avoided because they are nearly two centuries off the mark with that dating.  It makes me wonder why they bother placing such a story in historical times and places if they cannot get simple events correct.  This is all without mentioning the ridiculous lack of attention to accurate details when it comes to arms and armaments, to name a few other problems.  Not even some good Christian messages sprinkled into the proceedings can save this bloody mess.  Anyway, let us get this over with.

What is over before The Bluff begins is the taking of a merchant ship by the sole remaining pirate in the Caribbean, Captain Connor (Keith Urban).  The attack has happened because he is out to find Captain Theodor H. “T.H.” Bodden (Ismael Cruz Córdova).  Once T.H. is isolated, it is revealed that he has gold that once belonged to Captain Connor.  However, it is only a small part of a larger fortune that Captain Connor is after, one that he feels was stolen from him.  The main culprit is Ercell Bodden (Priyanka Chopra), who was once known as the feared buccaneer leader Bloody Mary.  Much of this is revealed later, but I am saying it here for continuity’s sake.  At any rate, she had been rescued from indentured servitude as a teenager and turned corsair as a means of survival.  What changes her life is when she meets T.H. and falls in love.  In turn, she decides to give up thieving on the high seas, taking with her the portion of the loot she fault was owed to her.  Her and T.H. start a family on Cayman Brac, and it is here that we meet them in their small cottage they share with his sister, Elizabeth “Lizzy” Bodden (Safia Oakley-Green), and Ercell and T.H.’s young son, Issac Bodden (Vendanten Naidoo).  Issac has a malformed leg, and is beloved by Ercell and Lizzy.  Still, it is Lizzy who is the problematic one.  Her gentleman caller, Weston (Zack Morris, and I did a double take on the name, too), has convinced her to run away from the island to get married despite Ercell’s objections.  The morning this is supposed to happen, however, is the day Captain Connor and his crew arrive.  While he shows up in the main village, he sends a few of his henchmen to attack Ercell.  Once she has hidden Issac, she leans into her former skills as a deadly fighter and defends their home.  Meanwhile, Lizzy makes it to the intended rendezvous point but she finds Weston dead.  At the same time, Captain Connor is mowing down the residents of Cayman Brac, making it possible for the rest of his men to land.  Now it is time to track down Ercell, who has taken Issac and Lizzy and fled into the woods.  It becomes apparent that this is part of a contingency plan should Captain Connor ever come after her.  During their jungle skirmish, Captain Connor offers a deal: T.H.’s life in exchange for the gold.  Ercell knows it is a trap, but she retreats into the eponymous fortress where she has also stashed memorabilia from her past, namely weapons.  With instructions to Issac and Lizzy to stay put, she hauls the treasure to her home where the pirates are staying.  She then sneaks into where T.H. is in chains, killing a few more intruders along the way.  Still, she is unable to free her husband, meaning that she must resort to plan B.  This involves getting Captain Connor close to her, along with his crew, and blowing up the chest with the bars inside.  Sadly, Captain Connor kills T.H. in the process.  At this point, it is apparent to Captain Connor’s crew, namely his quartermaster, Lee (Temuera Morrison), that their leader is out for purely revenge instead of the prize of the riches.  Lee attempts a mutiny but he is shot and killed.  Captain Connor quickly explains that it is not just about the money.  Rather, he has been offered a pardon by the various colonial powers of the world for the capture of Bloody Mary.  Thus rallied, it is time to march them all into yet another, inevitable trap.  This time it takes place inside Ercell’s fortress, with some help from Issac and Lizzy.  It all comes down to the long-expected showdown between Captain Connor and Ercell.  The former almost has the latter, but Lizzy comes along and fires a shot that gives Ercell the opportunity to deliver the killing blow.  With the signal fire aflame and the British fleet on its way, the day is saved.

The only thing the ending of The Bluff saved me from was having to view it anymore.  My apologies for sounding harsh, but there was a final historical insult with the last shot as several British warships turn to investigate the signal fire.  Just, no.  It would be tedious of me to explain why this is historically inaccurate.  Hence, you can either take the word of a historian or look it up for yourself.  As I alluded to in the introduction, there is a little Christian substance to the story, though not enough for me to recommend it.  It all comes in the form of Pastor Bradley (David Field), himself a former pirate, who is in charge of the small church on the island.  When Captain Connor and company arrive, the villagers take refuge in the house of God.  This action slightly warmed my heart, even if it is not a Catholic structure.  At any rate, despite his buccaneering past, Pastor Bradley says a few things that are gems of Christian teaching and underscore his commitment to his new role.  The first thing he says is that with Faith, anything is possible.  There are a few places in Scripture where Jesus utters these words, so it was refreshing to hear them in the movie.  Pastor Bradley also does the highest honor a Christian can do in sacrificing himself for his friends.  Before doing so, he gives the martyrs’ salute by loosely quoting Matthew 10:28, “. . . do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna.”  This is all great, but my favorite line of his comes when he says that real pirates are murderers, not heroes.  The Hollywood romanticization of these villains of all nations has always concerned me, and my Faith has only grown my consternation.  They should not be revered for being criminals, no matter the situation.  Faith tells us that there is a higher reward for those who believe than anything stolen on the high seas.

Interestingly, for a movie about adventure on the high seas, The Bluff does not contain many shots of such material.  What it does have is a great deal of gory violence, as if Quentin Tarrantino were behind the camera.  Actually, he might have done a better job.  Either way, I do not recommend this one.