My musical tastes do not usually include heavy metal.  This can be attributed to my Faith.  There are some aspects of that culture that appeal to me, particularly in its penchant for non-conformity (which might sound strange coming from a committed Catholic).  On the other hand, there is a lot that is abhorrent.  One could make the argument that it would be more tolerable if it were not for the overt satan worship.  I do not like to generalize because it is unfair to accuse every such band of partaking in that kind of evil.  Still, it is way too prevalent, and it unfortunately comes up in today’s film, Metal Lords (2022).  What follows is not a complete loss, but there is too much problematic material in it for me to recommend it.

There is little about Kevin (Jaeden Martell) that would suggest that he would be one of the Metal Lords, or objectionable in any way.  That is left to his best friend, Hunter Sylvester (Adrian Greensmith), who is arguably the most committed aficionado of heavy metal ever.  Such is the force of Hunter’s personality that he drags Kevin along with him in forming a band dedicated to the title genre of music.  It is not a crazy idea for Hunter as he is a talented guitar player.  As for Kevin, he plays the drums, but only a single instrument in their high school’s marching band.  A part of that same extracurricular group is Emily (Isis Hainsworth), though she appears a bit unapproachable when she rage-throws her clarinet and yells at the conductor.  In other words, she, like Hunter and Kevin, are outcasts in the school.  While Hunter revels in being disliked so broadly, Kevin’s social awkwardness has him accepting a broad invite to a party being hosted by Clay (Noah Urrea).  Clay has his own group that plays popular covers, and they are performing when Hunter and Kevin arrive.  Their music sets Hunter on edge, but Kevin decides that alcohol is the answer.  It results in the normally shy Kevin talking to one of the popular girls, Kendall (Analesa Fisher).  Just when it looks like he might be getting somewhere with her, a fight between Hunter and Skip (Phelan Davis), a bully and jock, spills onto the musicians.  The always calm Clay helps Hunter, but the metal teen bristles.  In the course of their conversation it comes to light that the school will be hosting a battle of the bands, something that has not taken place for some years.  Suddenly, participating in this concert becomes Hunter’s cause célèbre, and he puts extra pressure on Kevin to learn all the metal songs he can on a drum set purchased with Dr. Sylvester’s (Brett Gelman), Hunter’s father, credit card.  Practicing at home is not an option for Kevin, so he brings the set to the school.  As he beats the skins, he notices another musician rehearsing in a nearby room: Emily.  She is actually a cello player, but her playing gets Kevin thinking that she could be the answer they have been looking for in terms of a base player.  Hunter rejects the idea out of hand, saying that a cello is not metal.  In the days approaching the show, he becomes increasingly obsessed with competing.  They hold a tryout for a bassist, but only one person shows up, and he is unusable.  Hunter’s strident behavior has Kevin spending an increasing amount of time with Emily.  Indeed, Kevin misses a practice when Emily invites him to do the kinds of things parents always worry about their children doing.  In other words, they are now dating, but Hunter sees her as a distraction.  Because Hunter shares speech class with Emily, he decides to do a metal song/speech to express his anger.  It comes off as rude and she loses her temper, though he is clearly to blame.  Kevin is not keen on what Hunter has done, and the two nearly fight.  At the same time, Kevin is approached by Clay to play drums for the latter’s band since their own is forced to go to rehab.  This is some life these high schoolers are leading, huh?  Kevin agrees to play with Clay, and to hang out with them afterwards.  Doing so puts Kevin back into Kendall’s path, who entices him into sharing a hot tub with her.  That is not all she attempts, but before things get too far he has a vision of various metal legends trying to set him straight, primarily Rob Halford (as himself) of the unfortunately named band Judas Priest.  A Catholic can only take so much.  The same can be said for Hunter, who dresses like a member of Kiss and tries to take Kevin from the gig.  As a result, he is trespassed and arrested.  Upon bailing out his son, Dr. Sylvester tells Hunter that he is putting the high schooler into a clinic.  Hunter is distraught, mainly about the prospect of missing the Battle of the Bands, until his therapist turns out to be Dr. Troy Nix (Joe Manganiello).  When Dr. Nix was Hunter’s age, the psychologist had a metal band that won the same competition, and he is someone Hunter idolizes.  Nonetheless, it takes guilt on Kevin’s part for how far off course his friendship with Hunter has gotten for the two to reunite via a rescue attempt by Kevin.  Kevin is still angry with Hunter, but the former directs the latter’s apology to Emily.  At her house, saying sorry comes in the form of Hunter officially inviting her to join the band.  Initially, she claims that she is not ready, but arrives as they are about to go on stage decked out in metal gear.  They proceed to play a great show that tragically ends when Skip rushes the stage and causes the amplifier tower to land on Hunter’s leg, breaking it.  This means they did not win the contest, but they are happy to be friends.

That does not sound like the most appropriate conclusion for the Metal Lords, but it is where it lands.  I would also not call their band name appropriate.  Let us leave it at what they changed it to in order to perform, Skull Flower, and you can figure out the rest.  Between that, satanic images, underage drinking, drug use, and open promiscuity, it is difficult for this Catholic reviewer to get a lot from the film.  However, there are some usable tidbits.  Towards the beginning, in getting Kevin excited to play metal, Hunter says that to be great takes commitment and sacrifice.  There is some wisdom in these words, and they could be just as easily applied to living a life dedicated to Jesus as a genre of music.  One of Hunter’s problems is that he takes his own advice too far.  He all but says it himself when he describes their goal as becoming “metal gods.”  Because this film is lacking in anything specifically tied to Christianity, I am not sure it is accurate to label his ambition as blasphemous, but it is blasphemy adjacent.  The worst comes when Hunter suggests that mercy is for the weak.  That is directly contradictory to Christianity, and it is a reason why I have trouble with metal culture.  To build it up a little, I like it when one of the tenets of the music is said to be to speak truth to power.  There is a Christian way of putting this found in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29, “Rather, God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise, and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong, and God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing, to reduce to nothing those who are something, so that no human being might boast before God.”  We see this in our three, particularly Hunter, reveling in his outcast status.  It would just be nice if he would accept that role in a humbler fashion.

I hope it does not sound too haughty of me to say that Metal Lords is not worth your time.  Ultimately, it is a coming-of-age comedy, or an all too familiar story, but with heavy metal music.  If you are a fan of that genre, you might like it better.  Otherwise, this is a pass.