Before you read this review of Inspector Gadget (1999), ask yourself: is there a single property from the line-up of 1980s Saturday morning cartoons that has not been made into a movie in some form, be it animated or live-action?  None come to mind, though I have not Googled the subject.  I bring this up because, while hunting today for something to watch, I stumbled upon today’s film.  As an aficionado of those shows, the one that inspired today’s choice (1983-1985) was among those that I regularly watched.  I had always been a nostalgic kind of guy, and I recall having some anticipation for the real-life version.  Being the late teenager I was at the time, there could have been any number of reasons for why I did not make it to the theater for it.  Having finally seen it, I might have come away then with a sense of having a ruined childhood.  You may accuse me of being dramatic, but stick with me as I try to describe to you what is one of the most bizarre films I have ever seen.

My first “huh?” moment in Inspector Gadget comes during the opening scene.  Though it is not apparent at first, it turns out to be a dream sequence in which Officer John Brown (Matthew Broderick) saves the town of Riverton from an out-of-control bus.  For starters, “Officer John Brown?”  What?  Further, John Brown is not a cop at all, but rather a security guard for the Bradford Laboratory.  In his nighttime musings, he had rescued his niece, Penny Brown (Michelle Trachtenberg), and received the adoration of Dr. Brenda Bradford (Joely Fisher).  He is awakened by his dog, Brain (voiced by Don Adams), and promptly reminded by Penny about how the following day he is supposed to come to her school for career day.  Because he is still a lowly rent-a-cop and not the real police officer to which he aspires, he attempts to get out of the commitment.  Penny reassures him that it is the heart that counts, not the badge.  That same sentiment is being used by Dr. Bradford to get her father, Dr. Artemus Bradford (René Auberjonois), to move the robotic foot she has developed.  Apparently monitoring her progress is the evil (because the script says so) Sanford Scolex (Rupert Everett).  Along with his minion (literally called this) Sykes (Michael G. Hagerty), they break into the lab and steal the apendage, killing the elder Dr. Bradford in the process.  And with this foot, Sanford plans to take over the world!  Right.  John happens to be on the job when this occurs.  Between his love of his duty, and the crush he has on the younger Dr. Bradford, he takes off in pursuit of Sanford . . . in his Chevrolet Chevette. . . .  Anyway, the chase finishes with both of them wrecking, and John insisting that Sanford is under arrest.  Instead, Sanford lights an exploding cigar (huh?) and uses it to blow up John’s car.  The detonation sends a bowling ball (which, for some reason, had just been sitting loosely in John’s car) into the air, coming down on Sanford’s arm, and mangling it.  He later gets a claw hand, which allows him to become Dr. Claw, so there is that. . . .  As for John, in recognition of the commitment he displayed in trying to stop her father’s murderer, Dr. Bradford decides to RoboCop (1987) John, turning him into Inspector Gadget.  He means well, but is clumsy, so picture a klutz with mechanical appendage extensions and fingers that can double as lighters, and you get the idea.  The “Gadget Program” is hailed by Mayor Wilson (Cheri Oteri) as a new day in crime fighting.  The other officers, namely Chief Frank Quimby (Dabney Coleman), want nothing to do with somebody they consider a freak.  Thus, despite having a fancy car, dubbed the Gadgetmobile (voiced by D. L. Hughley), they put John on community outreach projects.  What he really wants to do is go after the person responsible for the death Dr. Bradford’s father.  Speaking of her, Sanford recruits her to his company by offering her all the funding and laboratory space his infinite wealth can buy.  For reasons which I cannot even begin to guess, John does not recognize the nefarious billionaire when they see each other at Inspector Gadget’s unveiling.  Instead, he has to continue looking into the case on his own, sneaking the file without Chief Quimby’s knowledge.  He gets a clue as to who might be behind the crime, but it is, like in the old cartoon, Penny who figures out that the initials “SI” on the microchip stand for Scolex Industries.  Sanford has not been idle during this time, having his chief scientist, Kramer (Andy Dick) create an evil copy of Inspector Gadget.  Sanford sends this clone to wreak havoc in the city while, at the same time, John attempts to get Dr. Bradford out of the Scolex Industries building. She manages this on her own while John is captured.  Sanford removes the computer chip essential to Inspector Gadget’s function, causing John to go limp.  Dr. Bradford tracks down Penny, believing that John will be with her.  It takes the Gadgetmobile to bring them to the trash dump where John has been left.  How do they revive him, you might ask?  They do so with the power of love, I guess.  With yet another head-scratching moment, it is back into the city where John has a showdown with his evil twin, Penny gets Sykes to see the error of his ways, and Dr. Bradford tries to stop Sanford.  It all culminates with John triumphing over nega-John and making it in time to bring Dr. Bradford safely down from a helicopter before it crashes.  Sanford parachutes from the same vehicle and straight into the Gadgetmobile, where he is taken into custody.  There are some post-credits scenes, but I am going to do everyone a favor and stop.

In addition to the so-called zaniness discussed in the last paragraph, Inspector Gadget has a few fourth wall breaks that reference the owner of its rights, Disney, and the fact that it used to be a Saturday morning cartoon.  I did not know it is a Disney property, which makes some of the decisions made in its production more understandable and puzzling at the same time, if that makes any sense?  Given some of the Mouse’s other projects, the part about heart being all a person needs scans.  It is also about the only aspect to which a Catholic reviewer can cling.  I almost hesitate to do so because what the film shows is so ridiculous, and Faith is on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum.  Yet, there is truth.  John’s robotic body does retain human desires and needs, not to mention functions, that maintain his link to humanity.  As a part of our race, one that is increasingly proud of what we create instead of giving the glory to God, he becomes too reliant on the manmade parts installed in his new body to function.  All he needs is something that only God can give us, and that is the “heart” that is referenced.  It is something that Dr. Bradford appears to understand early on when she is trying to get her dad to move the mechanical foot.  He does so only when he comes from a place of desire, not by specifically concentrating on the appendage.  While the movie talks about that which animates us in a “nuts and bolts” sense, it is the heart that gives us life spiritually speaking.  It is where God resides in us, where our soul is.  So often, and this one is no exception, movies dance around this subject without making the Christian connection.  This is why you have The Legionnaire.

The silly discussion of the importance of heart found in Inspector Gadget is not a reason to watch it.  I would say that Disney should be embarrassed by it, but then again, it nearly doubled its budget at the box office.  This is as good a reason as any for why it is currently on Disney+.  Again, I would not watch it, but decide for yourself.