When it comes to selecting films to review on streaming services, anything that is set in another country, particularly one that I have visited, is attractive to me.  This has led to me picking some strange movies.  Today’s option, Scottish Mussel (2015), is one such choice.  I had some trepidation going into it, thinking the title was some kind of innuendo.  It turned out to be about saving wildlife in Scotland, primarily the eponymous mollusk.  Look, I am as big a fan of St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, as the next Catholic.  Yet, what I am about to describe to you involves organized crime, romance, and a guy with a Southern drawl . . . for some reason.

For some reason, the three main characters in Scottish Mussel, Danny (Joe Thomas), Fraser (Paul Brannigan), and Ritchie (Martin Compston), are grown men without jobs.  Instead of finding steady employment, their self-appointed leader, Ritchie, is always coming up with schemes that will allow them to continue their rootless existence.  One of their sources of support is Ritchie’s Aunt Nettie (Camille Coduri), who asks her nephew to look after their cottage in the highlands.  Speaking of those highlands, it is up to people like Beth (Talulah Riley) and her American colleague, Ethan (Morgan Watkins), to protect the sensitive Scottish environment.  Their top priority is the freshwater mussels, who are being poached to the point of being endangered for their highly valuable pearls.  As they are out patrolling the grounds near them, they are fired upon by a machine gun toting hunter.  Shortly thereafter, on their way back from seeing Aunt Nettie, Ritchie and company are spotted by Beth.  With the shooting being reported to the police, the authorities pick up the three friends because they fit the description of the perpetrators.  However, Beth says they are not the ones who fired upon her and Ethan.  Once they are free, they finally make it to Aunt Nettie’s cottage, which is filled with marijuana plants.  As they are processing this development, a car stops in front of the house.  Ritchie goes outside and the person, at first, identifies himself as a detective inspector.  It turns out to be Leon (Emun Elliott).  He is a local crime boss who has a deal with Aunt Nettie for her weed.  As he demands some of the usual product, he gets to talking to Ritchie about his real money-maker: illegal fishing.  The conversation gives Ritchie the idea to get into the business himself, especially when he hears how much mussel pearls are worth.  Thinking it would be easy, he takes his two friends to the nearest stream in order to take a look.  This is how he meets Beth formally, and it is the usual love at first sight situation, at least on his part.  It helps that she strips down to a bikini in order to check on mollusk populations in the water, but she is oblivious to her physical charms.  As the three friends make their way to their usual pub back in Glasgow, Ritchie cannot forget about Beth.  Observing them at the watering hole is another area mobster, who has his main henchman, Murray (Niall Greig Fulton), keep tabs on the three men.  It remains a mystery why they would deserve any attention, but these bad guys are convinced that Ritchie is up to something.  Their suspicions are partially true, as Ritchie decides he must impress Beth with his knowledge of Scottish wildlife.  Once he feels he has enough of a mastery, he goes to the wildlife center and volunteers.  Why they do not know he is insincere when he misidentifies an otter as a beaver is beyond me.  Somehow, his shenanigans are enough to convince Beth, and they start to fall in love.  In fairness to Ritchie, despite feeding information to Danny and Fraser about the best places to find mussels, he gives himself over to helping Beth and the conservation center.  While he is profiting from Danny and Fraser’s finding three pearls, Ritchie goes around with Beth to get the funds they need for the center.  When Danny and Fraser inadvertently come to the center, they are drafted into the volunteer force as well.  So well are things going between Beth and Ritchie that they have a literal roll in the hay, if you get my meaning.  They are working well together, getting a large crowd of people to come to the traditional Scottish ball that is projected to be a major money raiser for conservation efforts.  After sharing a dance, all the bad guys arrive and force Ritchie to reveal to them the best locations for mussels.  Of course, Beth overhears the exchange and realizes she has been betrayed.  Not long thereafter, she learns that the stream in which most of the mollusks are found is about to be polluted and they will all be killed.  Her assistant, Fiona (Marianna Palka), phones Ritchie to tell him what has happened.  His response is to round up as many locals as possible in order to go to the river and physically move the mussels to safety.  As this goes on, he also sets up each of the crime bosses to make it look like they are the ones behind the illegal fishing.  His efforts are enough to convince Beth to forgive him, and they live happily ever after, I guess.

I wrote a rather brief synopsis of Scottish Mussel, though part of the reason for that is because I had to guess about some aspects of the story.  I will not blame it on the thick accents.  It is just an odd story that I am not sure they fully thought through before deciding to film.  As such, anything is possible in it, including random Catholic moments.  At one point, Beth and Ritchie are releasing an otter that had been brought to the center for rehabilitation.  As the cage is opened, Ritchie tells it to choose life.  Because this is a Scottish film, they probably did not put that line in as a declaration of a Pro-Life, anti-abortion stance.  Nonetheless, this Catholic nearly fell out of his chair when Ritchie gives this advice to an animal.  It is proof that God works in mysterious ways.  Indeed, Ritchie’s character arc is proof of this sentiment.  This directionless, pot smoking, con artist is telling Beth by the closing minutes that he wants to be a man of purpose.  From a Christian perspective, this means listening for God’s voice and discerning what He wants you to do.  Obviously, I cannot say that this is something Ritchie does, but there is more than one way to accomplish such a goal.  It also takes being present to the moment in which God places us.  Granted, Ritchie is volunteering just to impress a girl, but he is also open to what he is experiencing beyond mere attraction.  Being open is a key part of proper discernment.

As always, talking about topics like discerning God’s will in connection to a film of Scottish Mussel’s caliber is a strange task.  Regardless, I do not recommend it because it is strange.  I say steer clear of it because there is little value in it.