American sociologist Robert K. Merton is credited with developing what is commonly referred to as “The Law of Unintended Consequences.”  It is not all as bad as it might sound.  Sometimes, the actions we take lead to a surprising result.  This is only one of three possible outcomes, however, and the others are not positive.  I think you can guess the other, which would be the opposite of the first example.  The last one is a mix, called the “Perverse Result,” which could mean either a short term good, but long term bad, or vice versa.  Confused yet?  Good.  As far as Catholicism is concerned, such considerations can come into our spiritual calculations.  We see often seek temporary pleasure despite the lasting terribleness that can come from doing so.  On the same token, God can take the most awful event and make it into the best thing ever for humanity.  This might seem like a bonkers set up for the film Guns Akimbo (2019), which I do not recommend anyway, but stick with me as I describe it to you.

There is little about Miles Lee Harris (Daniel Radcliffe) in Guns Akimbo that would be considered bonkers.  It is the world he inhabits that is crazy.  In it there is an online “fight club,” for lack of a better term, called “Skizm.”  It pits killers against one another in death matches with millions watching on the internet.  The most famous of these competitors is Nix Degraves (Samara Weaving), and early on we witness her drug fueled sprees.  It is a far cry from the computer programming life that the unassuming Miles leads, going to work and being verbally abused by his bro of a boss Zander (Richard Knowles).  Miles is a talented programmer, but he is stuck creating silly, money sucking games for his current company in order to earn a living.  After work one night, though it is not his usual forum, he takes to the Skizm message boards to vent.  In saying disparaging things about those who enjoy viewing murder, who inadvertently attracts the attention of the site’s creator, Riktor (Ned Dennehy).  A few hours later, Riktor sends a few henchmen to Miles’ door, who kidnap the computer tech.  When Miles regains full consciousness, he is back in his bed in his underwear and bathrobe, but with a pistol bolted onto each of his hands.  Aside from the panic this induces, he also realizes this is going to complicate his planned meeting with his ex-girlfriend, Nova Alexander (Natasha Liu Bordizzo), with whom he hopes to rekindle a romance.  Because manipulating a cell with a gun is not the easiest of tasks, he is unable to alert her, or anyone, as to his predicament.  However, what alerts him to the fact that he is now on Skizm is Nix’s violent arrival.  He manages to survive the initial barrage mainly because she cannot believe that someone so cowardly and unskilled would be facing off against her.  From here on out, understand that the film is mainly about him trying to survive, and to explain to others why he is holding weapons.  The first attempt at this involves a pair of patrolmen, but they do not give him the time to explain.  The next is Nova, who he meets while on the run from Nix.  They get away by car without Nova knowing what is going on, but eventually he can no longer hide his hands.  When she sees what he is holding, she runs away in terror and goes to the police.  Needing a break, Miles takes refuge in an alley where he encounters Glenjamin (Rhys Darby), a homeless person who stops the young man from committing suicide and helps dress him.  Meanwhile, Nova is interviewed by Detectives Degraves (Grant Bowler) and Stanton (Edwin Wright), who let her go with the strict warning to call them if Miles tries to contact her.  Meanwhile, Miles makes his way to his work place where he is able to have a colleague disable tracking on his phone, though with the added function of being able to turn it on when needed.  This happens just as Nix once more finds him, leading to more mayhem.  In the aftermath of barely escaping once again, he finally calls Nova to tell her that he is leaving town.  Instead, Riktor takes her, thus giving Miles further incentive to track down Nix.  To do so, he restarts his tracking hoping to bring Nix to him, but he stumbles into a gang war.  He had also alerted the police to where Nix would be, and Detectives Degraves and Stanton take him into custody.  If you noted the similar last names between the killer and the officer, then it is here that it is revealed that Detective Degraves is Nix’s father.  They tell Miles this instead of taking him to the hospital to get the guns removed, once more planning to lure Nix.  Before this can happen, Detective Stanton murders his partner and plays a message for Miles stating that there is only one half hour left.  In desperation, Miles waits for Nix, getting her addled brain to accept a team up to take down Riktor, pointing out her dead dad as further motivation.  To get Riktor and the viewers to lower their guard, Miles and Nix stage his death, which brings them to Riktor’s lair.  Once inside, a whole lot more shooting ensues, with Nix going out in a literal blaze of glory.  It leaves Riktor on the rooftop trying to get away with Nova.  To save her, Miles endures several gun shots before being thrown off the building.  Instead of being pleased about her rescue as Miles hopes, Nova is aghast.  Still, she honors his bravery by writing a graphic novel about him, so that is something.

The last scene in Guns Akimbo has Miles thumbing through said graphic novel about his adventures.  It is also suggested that he is about to take on the Skizm rings in other cities across the globe.  I would have preferred a happier ending, one that did not suggest further violence, with him and Nova getting back together.  After all, when talking to the police, she tells them that he is a good man who would never get mixed up in this kind of business.  This statement is backed up by him when he says things like he does not enjoy adding to the suffering of the world.  It is his explanation for being a vegan, but it is as Christian of an attitude one can find without faith being brought up in the movie.  In this same vein, we can also bemoan the fact that he is forced into this awful situation against his will.  He has no desire to kill anyone, but even the Church accepts that legitimate self-defense is acceptable when warranted.  However, he would not have had to do so had he not been attacking people on the internet.  Now, we can look at his actions as being relatively innocuous.  Who among us has not said impertinent words, either in person or behind the safety of a computer screen?  What I am here to tell you is that there is no such thing as private sin.  Even if we think that what we are doing ultimately affects no one, it still hurts the body of Christ.  Sin separates us from God, and lack of repentance makes it permanent.  This is why I did not care for the fact that Miles seemingly becomes a vigilante in the end.  Instead of thanking God for having survived his ordeal, he chooses to take matters into his own repaired hands.  There are better uses of his God given talents.

There are also better uses of your time than watching Guns Akimbo.  Granted, Miles is not a bad character, but I wish he had made some better decisions in the end.  Otherwise, this is a breathless action movie that is thin on plot.