Why did culture collectively ever like Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997), henceforth simply Austin Powers?  I guess part of it has to do with fond memories of the James Bonds franchise, which, by Austin Power’s release, was in the middle of its run with Pierce Brosnan as the famous 007.  By 1997, there were roughly twenty of the Bond films, which means it was, and is, a legacy.  With Austin Powers, they decided to tap into that nostalgia and make it . . . goofy.  There is nothing wrong with silliness.  Indeed, it is difficult to take many of the early Bond movies seriously.  It should also be noted that Catholicism is not against levity.  I guess the nicest way of putting this is that Austin Powers has not aged well, and I am here to tell you why.

The when at the beginning of Austin Powers is 1967, and Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) is up to his usual world domination plots.  The person who is called upon, seemingly as always, is the title person (Mike Myers).  For clarity’s sake, know that Myers plays both of them.  There is a lot of “playing” in general as Austin prances his way through the opening credits in order to establish his swinging, ladies’ man ways.  Him and his married partner, Mrs. Kensington (Mimi Rogers), attend a party where their boss, Basil Exposition (Michael York), tells the agents that Dr. Evil’s henchmen can be found.  As has clearly happened before, while Dr. Evil is stopped, he gets away into a rocket shaped like the Big Boy restaurant mascot to be cryogenically frozen.  I guess it is useless to point such things out, but the craft is clearly visible in orbit. . . .  Rather, the solution is to have Austin undergo the same process.  Thirty years pass, and the United States military notices that the Big Boy is re-entering Earth’s atmosphere.  Commander Gilmour (Charles Napier) is sent to the United Kingdom to alert the British, who decide their best move is to re-animate Austin.  Once we have gotten through that supposedly comedic sequence, he is introduced to Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley), Mrs. Kensington’s daughter.  Austin is still behaving like it is the 1960s, so she is not appreciative of his overt advances.  His blatant sexuality continues unabated as they fly in his private jet to Las Vegas, where Basil reports that Dr. Evil is setting up camp.  The villain also has some catching up to do.  On the lighter side, there is the fact that he has a son, Scott Evil (Seth Green), who has been artificially born in the intervening years.  Familial matters aside, Dr. Evil runs through a number of global conquest schemes that are no longer historically possible before landing on the familiar plan of finding a nuclear weapon and threatening to blow up the world.  The initial ransom he puts forward is $1 million, but his right-hand-man, Number Two (Robert Wagner) reminds Dr. Evil that such a sum is likely not going to be taken seriously in this day and age.  After hearing about all the investments Number Two has made in the past thirty decades, they land on $100 billion and move forward.  With Austin in Las Vegas, Number Two is sent to try and stop the hero from foiling Dr. Evil.  The two meet at a blackjack table, with Vanessa posing as Austin’s wife.  With Number Two is an Italian woman with the unfortunate name Alotta Fagina (Fabiana Udenio).  The subsequent attempt on Austin’s life in the bathroom does not work.  Returning to the table, Austin convinces Vanessa to have a night on the town together, and she finally starts to develop feelings for him.  However, he stops her because of her inebriation.  This Catholic does not have much to work with here, but I was happy to have at least one chaste moment.  Of course, this is ruined when Austin is sent to Number Two’s room where he is able to take pictures of Dr. Evil’s plans, which involve drilling a hole to the center of the Earth to deliver the warhead.  It is Alotta who discovers Austin, and they do the kinds of things we come to expect from spy flicks.  In turn, he is matter-of-fact with Vanessa about his actions, and is taken aback when she reacts negatively.  She never stays mad for long, though, and they decide that the next move is to break into one of the buildings belonging to Dr. Evil’s corporate empire.  Their attempt at going undercover backfires and they are captured.  Meanwhile, the United Nations has agreed to Dr. Evil’s demands, but he decides to move ahead with his drilling anyway.  Luckily, Austin and Vanessa manage to break free.  He sends her to get reinforcements while he goes after Dr. Evil.  There is a repeat of the silly action before, with some shooting and whatnot, the long-and-short of which is that the bomb is stopped before it gets to the core.  However, Austin is tested once more by Dr. Evil’s fembots, who are designed to tempt the hyper-sexual Austin.  He turns the tables on them by charming them until they explode, but it means that Vanessa finds him in his underwear.  Again, she is mad for two seconds before she accepts his explanation and they continue their mission.  At a critical moment, Dr. Evil gets a hold of Vanessa, but Austin has Scott.  Dr. Evil says to shoot his son, but Scott’s anger is enough of a distraction for Dr. Evil to be disarmed.  Still, the villain gets away again in the Big Boy space ship to be re-frozen.  Finally, Austin and Vanessa marry, and on their wedding night, have to fend off one last attack by one of Dr. Evil’s henchmen.

That henchmen at the end of Austin Powers, by the way, is Random Task (Joe Son), who is meant to be a send up of Oddjob (Harold Sakata) in Goldfinger (1964).  I hope you get the joke Austin Powers is going for with Random Task.  Not all the humor is intended as a parody, but the other jokes are kind of stale and involve outmoded ways of thinking.  At the same time, there are some that think chastity is a passé concept.  It feels strange to discuss such a topic with this movie, but there is not much else for a Catholic to cover.  Yet, the moment when Austin refuses to kiss Vanessa after their night out showed a restraint that I did not recall in the decades since I have seen the movie.  It is also remarkable when you consider how much he had all but begged for that moment.  He behaves like a horny teenager, which is not the way a Christian should act.  Further, he says no because to give in to his lust in that instance would have been taking advantage of her.  Doing so only compounds the sin, and I can think of few such situations where anyone involved felt good about such activities.  It is topped off when the two get married.  We do not see the ceremony, so I have no idea if they had a religious, or Christian, ceremony.  At the same time, it is an honest response to their love.  To contextualize this further, Austin comes from the era of “free love,” and he has some maturing to do when he awakens in the 1990s.  What he comes to realize is that freedom and responsibility go together.  God made the sexual embrace so because He wants something more from the act than mere titillation.  To be sure, there is plenty of the wrong kind in the film, but it is nice to see a little of the right kind of stance on these issues.

Nevertheless, the main issue with Austin Powers is that it is outdated.  You can blame this on the fact that thirty years later, the concept of making fun of Bond movies is no longer funny.  The run that Daniel Craig had as 007 also changed the perception.  Hence, there is no reason to watch Austin Powers.